Despite the Senate not opening up to include tax-paying U.S. territories like Washington, D.C., and Puerto Rico, it is still getting bigger. How? Six-foot-9" John Fetterman is headed there this January after defeating New Jersey resident Dr. Mehmet Oz for Pennsylvania’s Senate seat. Along with his leftist stances, like supporting universal healthcare, legalizing cannabis, and being pro-abortion, Fetterman is a staunch shorts-and-hoodie wearer. No matter the weather, whatever the occasion, you’re likely to see Fetterman decked in head-to-toe casual-ass clothes.
This presents a problem for the hulking politician. The Capitol building, which houses the U.S. Senate, is obsessed with decorum, rules, and “looking nice.” Women are expected to cover their shoulders, and men are expected to be in a suit, tie, and....pants. Only recently have staffers started wearing sneakers.
But politicians are basically Olympic-level fact-spinners, so, sure, Fetterman might not be able to wear shorts on the Senate floor. But who would stop him from wearing knee-length formal pants? A hoodie might not be seen as respectable, but an exaggerated cowl-neck sweater that is worn backwards? That might just work.
We want to help Fetterman’s transition into the Senate be as successful and smooth as possible. Lucky for us, and even luckier for Fetterman, the holidays are right around the corner. So for Gisele, or any Fetterman family members looking to get him a gift this year, we present to you an inspirational slideshow of formal shorts ahem knee-length pants John can wear to work starting next year.
