Female hormones are always regarded as “extreme” and “unpredictable.” But what if you could outwit them by treating your body like a predictable baby-making vessel, prone to moves so obvious it may as well be the hormonal equivalent of a Hollywood ending? One woman tried. And succeeded.
In a piece over at the Telegraph called “Sex, Spots and Career Satisfaction: A month living by my hormones changed everything,” we learn that reporter Beverly Turner tried out something called the “Hormone Horoscope” for a month, which promises that, by following it, “you can predict what your day will be like based solely on where you are in your monthly menstrual cycle.”
The site was created by Gabrielle Lichterman, a journalist on the health and lifestyle beat who researched hormones and their impact on behavior for nearly two decades, and published a book with Dr. Scott Haltzman in 2005 about the results.
Her basic position is:
1. Our hormones impact virtually everything we do! The hormones in a woman’s monthly cycle affect nearly every aspect of our day—brain skills, mood, energy, libido, cravings, shopping habits, chattiness, voice, taste buds, extroversion, confidence, pain sensitivity, chronic illness flare-ups, skin health and much, much more.
2. Our hormones can actually help us predict the outcome of our day! While our hormonal affects change day-to-day, these effects repeat in the same pattern cycle after cycle. Which means that healthy, naturally-cycling women can use their hormone cycle to predict what every single day will be like with scientific accuracy!
Lichterman’s conclusions, and resulting peppy website, daily ‘scopes and other assorted bestie-style tips, create the impression that rather than an unpredictable scourge, hormones are in fact, something you can get out in front of, alleviate the effects of in advance, and even thwart or exploit, at least in the sense you can acknowledge them and use them to your advantage, or avoid situations where they might put you at a disadvantage.
And that’s what Beverly Turner, a 40-year-old woman with three kids and a healthy skepticism, found.
Turner writes in a representative sample of her month-long diary:
Week 2 Day 8 to Day 14 (ovulation)
Ever noticed that you feel a bit flirty once you’ve put your tampons away? Here’s why: oestrogen climbs toward its peak in week two. And when we release an egg for fertilisation it gives us a rocket-boost of energy. Basically, Mother Nature is desperate to get us up the duff.
We become less inhibited and more impulsive. Drunk on our own invincibility and sexuality, we are at greater risk of having an affair.
Without knowing it, we walk more slowly ahead of men and swing our hips.
Normally, I would be unaware of this primal posturing. Now I use it to my advantage and turn on the charm. The guy in the coffee shop gives me a free muffin, the car mechanic offers to pump my tyres (not a euphemism) and my husband thinks I’m fabulous. Sex is never better than during week two.
Elsewhere, she savors chocolate more thoroughly once she discovers it won’t taste so great during weeks outside of week one, thanks to rising estrogen. She schedules a job interview during week two, when she’s told she’ll be more smiley and confident. She makes the most of the high energy during this week by getting organizational at home and work. It might be predictably hard to unwind during this time, Turner notes, but NBD — she just takes a relaxing bath to wind down at night. And since she’s anticipating ovulation by tracking her cycle, and she knows she’s the sort who feels actual pain during ovulation, she can take some painkillers and chill to reduce it before it even strikes this time around.
BULLSHIT SOLVED.