Your Best Yearbook Quote

By Maria Sherman | November 15, 2019 | 11:00pm

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Last summer, news broke that the Boston Public Library was going to digitize high school yearbooks across Massachusetts in an effort to archive “as many of the state’s historically significant documents as possible and make them available online.” That meant a bunch of brace-faced nerds with Marky Mark lyrics immortalized beneath their unfortunate senior portraits would become the internet’s content forevermore. I blogged about the phenomenon and included my own pic for solidarity. I’ll do it again here, below, because I’ve got a big ask: I want to know about your best yearbook quotes. If you wanna toss your 17-18-year-old mug in the comments below, too, I won’t say no to that. Winners will give context to their quotes: Why did you pick it? What’s the significance? Are you embarrassed about it now? Let’s mortify ourselves; I think it will bring us closer together.

But before all that, let’s check out last week’s winners. Judging by the number of submissions, y’all really liked that one. I’m sure my employers are thrilled. Here are your weirdest secret habits:

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Inept Gardener, this is what everyone does while watching a mukbang on YouTube (unless, of course, they are masturbating.) Still, I like your answer the best, so you win:

Every time I make food for myself, I eat it in front of a computer while looking at pictures of better food. I have a long list of favourite Instagrams. I have been doing this for years.

AngryQueerLawyr, I asked for strange and you delivered both “strange” and “compulsive.” I dig it:

Not totally secret, but just my wife and anyone who stays with us knows:

I walk 25 thousand steps a day every day unless I am taking a super long trip or deathly ill (yesterday I did it even though I was so tired and took so much medicine for a cold that I was tripping balls). Mostly inside in my apartment building halls.

I swear I’m not a creep. Just want to hit that number! I am short so it is 10.1 miles each day. I am doing it as I write this comment.

Also in December 2016 I began a very nerdy and ambitious project- to HAND COPY like a fucking monk, all of the Harry Potter books. At some point in book 5, I decided Bic pens were stupid and the ink wouldn’t last, so I switched to fountain pens.

Yep. It’s 2019 and my hobby got its start over a millennium ago. The good news is that I am on track finish by November 29th!

Then I will need a new hobby. I don’t sew or knit or crochet or stitch anything, and I prefer to keep my original written work in my head. Ideas for indoor, cheap hobbies other than those? Also need to not be able to be ruined by my horde of cats!

PatFanda, this is all of us:

I talk to myself and sometimes re-argue past arguments with people who a) are not there to defend themselves and b) I haven’t spoken to in years. Pantsless of course, because fuck pants.

Devonna, this isn’t weird. It’s nice! You’re nice. Everyone should be this nice:

I pick up public bathrooms. Especially airplane ones. I use my clean paper towel to wipe down the counter, then use the paper towel to pick up any paper towels on the floor, then push the paper towels down in the trash can so it’s not overflowing. I hate seeing messy public bathrooms. We should be perfectly capable of putting paper towels in the trash properly.

happysunday, I like this, in a pseudo-serial killer fashion:

After slathering my hands with lotion and putting on my Borghese conditioning gloves, I like to take a stack of Saltines, layer them with grape jelly, and eat them standing up at the kitchen sink.

PhoebeCaulfieldTheThird, let ‘em rip:

I love making big long sonorous burps. Ripping out a long, loud one from the depths gives me a real sense of satisfaction & dare I say- pride?

I am a petite gal and my body should NOT be able to produce these window rattlers. Seriously, I can wake up my dog with them. I do this when I’m alone for obvious reasons.

At some point, I began complementing myself on the particularly impressive ones by saying things like “Ooh, good one Phoebe” or “Nice reverb”. For the most part it’s been harmless entertainment for myself. Once in a while, Mr C will catch me in the act and start singing the chorus of “She’s a Lady”. Yep, I surely am.

Assistant Undersecretary of Only Okay, this is less “weird” and more “extremely twee”:

I don’t know how weird this is, but I’m in my 30s and I still wish on stars. I don’t drive so it’s not unusual for me to be walking home in the dark alone, and I’ll pick the first bright star and make a wish out loud. They’re usually fairly vague, and I’ll also explain myself out loud to the star. Like “I wish that I can be friends with x person because I know we’re having a communication problem but I think we mostly get along and I think they’re super cool.” Or something along those lines. I would never consider myself superstitious but I like to think if there was any chance for wishes to come true why not wish vaguely positive things? I always feel a little better after I do it, too.

goddessoftransitoryrisesagain, I’m stealing this:

When I throw out a worn out pair of shoes, I thank them for their service.

I really hope to see a bunch of horrible haircuts in the comments below. As I say to myself every morning when I awake: do it for the blog.