Acclimate Your Child to Existential Dread and Crushing Anxiety With This Hot New Toy

By Joan Summers  |  March 3, 2021 | 5:30pm
Latest
Acclimate Your Child to Existential Dread and Crushing Anxiety With This Hot New Toy
Screenshot:Fisher-Price

Children can seem surprisingly less hopeless and withered than their adult counterparts, free of wrinkles and the weariness of modern life. Thankfully, Fisher-Price wants to change that!

For all the aspiring baby entrepreneurs out there, perhaps with a dream of selling a gizmo on Shark Tank for a $10 million valuation, Fisher-Price has created the “My Home Office Set.” Complete with a coffee cup, tabs, personal computer, headset, and smartphone, children everywhere can learn the soul-crushing experience of sitting in an office all day, making minimum wage, body aching, wondering if one is ever going to see their friends and family again!

Or maybe just retire somewhere sunny.

In the official description:

Better grab a latte to go, that report is due this morning and there’s a call with the dog across the street after naptime. With the Fisher-Price® My Home Office set, your preschooler is the boss of their own workstation at home, the local coffee shop, or the moon.

Bonuses, according to Fisher-Price, include the fact that babies can now “work from home or anywhere.” Because that’s what babies need now more than ever! When they’re not at Preschool For Aspiring Businesspeople, they have to acclimate to future serfdom somewhere. Thanks, Fisher-Price!

Just a tip, though: There’s probably an opening in the market for a work-from-home office that ditches the headset, includes a fake web camera, and maybe has a bespoke, customizable desk accessory? Designing one can be the baby’s first project in their new life as an avatar of the gig economy!

 
Join the discussion...