Feminism is like fashion or GOD — it can be whatever you want it to be. At least, according to a duo of conservative women who have decided that they are TAKING BACK THE FEMINISMS for the right wing of American politics like how feminists (and, more recently, Justin Timberlake) took back the night. So sit back, you book-reading reproductive rights harpies. You’re about to be schooled.
“Here’s What Real Feminism Looks Like,” penned by two grown women who refer to themselves as “CHICKS ON THE RIGHT,” lays down some pretty strong opinions and enough shadowsassing to get a lady at a Red Hat Society meeting in a red state some pretty serious high fives. The problem with feminism, explain the Chicks, is that it doesn’t mean the same thing that the definition of feminism says feminism means. No, there’s a new definition of “feminism,” one that doesn’t focus on social justice and equal opportunity for all women but instead focuses directly on… exalting the choices made by the Chicks on the Right and giving a manicured middle finger to everyone else.
Here’s what the Chicks on the Right say feminism is:
- “latchkey kids” who were “not coddled”
- earning money “at a young age”
- accepting of “consequences” for actions
- “lov[ing] your husband dearly” and being super sad if they leave you for a “younger model”
- “being OK” without that two timing sack of shit you made the mistake of calling your husband. You’re better off without him anyway, CAROL.
- “staring unexpected challenges in the face and saying ‘I’ve got this.'”
- “character”
- knowing that “NOTHING IS FREE”
- “she should have a way of providing for herself should that man cease to be in her life for whatever reason.” (guess this means they’re in favor of equal pay laws now, these Chicks?)
- closing by asking some unseen reader to “pass the stilettos,” so um writing with your shoes off I guess? I’m at a loss here.
Here’s what the Chicks on the Right say feminism is NOT:
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