Bethenny Frankel recently exited The Real Housewives of New York City again—a decision unsurprising to viewers. She’d spent much of the recent seasons sequestered from the group due to a confounding fish allergy and taxing divorce. In a press release following the exit, she thanked viewers and expressed interest in other projects:
“It’s time to move on and focus on my daughter, my philanthropy and my production partnership with Mark Burnett, producing and starring in shows which represent a shift in the conversation for women.”
Andy Cohen, for his part, is hopeful she’ll return to the franchise. “I will hopefully live in the gratitude of her third return, because we are much like the mob—you can’t get out,” he said on his Sirius XM show on Wednesday. “I do hope and think that she will come back sometime.”
Will she? Skinny Girl, the brand that made her a millionaire and part-time Shark Tank host, found much of its success between her stints on Housewives. Since returning, she’s launched numerous charity initiatives, denim brands, and deli meat products. Whether her second tenure as a Housewife can sustain her businesses is unclear, but there is evidence to prove that she can hold on to the fame that 24 annual episodes of television afforded her.
Scientists often describe the length of time it takes half of a radioactive atomic nuclei to decay as the “half life.” At least… that’s what I retained from my junior year chemistry class (which I failed). Regardless, Bethenny’s exit got me wondering: Could a similar formula to the model for determining a chemical’s half-life be applied to the Housewives franchise to determine a cast member’s “half-life,” aka the popularity and longevity of their brand after they’ve left the show? Bethenny is the most famous Housewife of all time. But how long will she be able to cling to that popularity when removed from the franchise entirely? Shockingly, this emerging field of mathematics is largely unexplored territory.
Arguably, I am not a scientist. I can barely count, I cried through most of my high school psychics class, and copied my college stats homework from a dude who was in love with me (which I obviously exploited.) But despite these failings, I am an expert on the Housewives, with access to Google and a middling ability to string metaphors together. So why not try out a new career in advanced nuclear psychics! With chalk in hand and a bounty of ex-reality stars to explore, let’s investigate: What is the half-life of a Housewife?
Every scientific theory must have a complicated math equation to pair with it. (I saw this in a movie, so it’s true.) If we hope to discover Bethenny Frankel’s approximate half-life, we’ll need to start with our equation. Here’s the official one:
Funny joke, scientists! This won’t work at all. Instead, I’ll single out a few past Housewives and apply a formula based on: the number of seasons they starred in, their post-Housewives business ventures, and their Instagram follower counts.
Let’s use former RHONY cast members—of which there are plenty—as our test group. The franchise’s popularity is rather unique, and a comprehensive analysis of all 112 Housewives past and present could fill a library!
Heather Thomson:
Seasons: Season 5, Season 6, Season 7
Business Ventures: Nutritionary nutrition
Instagram: @iamheathert
Followers: 198,000
Heather Thomson’s first season on RHONY came after a dramatic reshuffling that resulted in almost half the Season 4 cast being fired. Her brand, Yummie Tummie, was mildly popular? I don’t wear skirt suits, so my knowledge of shape wear is slim, but the panties and bras were sold in Nordstrom. It even sued Spanx for patent infringement! However, she left the brand shortly after her exit, and therefore we can’t use it as an accurate measure of her popularity.
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