Let's Help This Woman Find Her Dream Swimsuit

By Madeleine Davies | March 29, 2018 | 9:30pm

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Earlier today, we received an email from a distressed reader who—feeling the encroachment of beach season—is desperate to find a new one-piece swimsuit and is having no luck. Let’s change that.

Here’s what she wrote:

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Can you guys PLEASE write an article on bathing suits? Specifically, I am 37 and looking for a one-piece and there is not a SINGLE one long enough for my 5’ 8” body (not that tall!) The rest of my lady friends are having the same issue. I mean, am I doomed forever to wear bikinis just because one-pieces don’t come past my nipples? I have even tried the JCrew Long Torso option- nothing but camel toe. Also- why am I a size 4 in clothes, and a size 10 in bathing suits? What is that sizing? I have put $1000 of returnable purchases on my credit card, hoping to find The One. I have shopped high (Matteau) and low (H&M).

Can someone out there design a one-piece bathing suit for a stylish woman in her 30’s with breasts and who is a little on the tallish side? Is that really too much to ask?

Do I really have to start shopping at LLBean? Already?

What is capitalism for, even?

Am I screaming into the void?

No, my friend, you are not screaming into the void. Swimsuit shopping is among life’s most harrowing first world problems, and it’s a struggle many of us can relate to. Just last summer, I—a similar build to our letter writer—could not seem to find a swimsuit that didn’t make me look like a chunky baby in a wrestling singlet. Until I finally did. There’s one out there for everyone. You just haven’t found it yet.

Among our staffers, all of varying body types, people had luck finding swimsuits at American Eagle (I know it’s for teens, but Aerie still knocks it out of the park when it comes to undies and swimwear), Urban Outfitters, Swimsuits for All, which promises, yes, swimsuits for all, and Lively (which seems to have some passible Solid & Striped knock-offs). (One writer did NOT respond well to the L.L. Bean dig and asks that you don’t knock it until you try it.)

Here are a some specific examples of their chosen suits:

This one, I’m told, is surprisingly cute on and is particularly flattering to those wanting to create more of a waist.

Another colleague recently copped this suit and says it’s one of few swimsuits she’s owned that can support her honkin’ cans:

For the swimmer with edge, consider this sassy lil number from Sourpuss Clothing:

Aerie might just be the gift that keeps on giving:

One person who has the OPPOSITE problem of our letter writer says that she keeps finding cute (though pricier) swimsuits at Andie, but the torsos are too LONG:

If you’re willing to invest the big bucks, our tallest staff member recommends a Mara Hoffman one-piece:

And now I turn things over to you, the Jezebel community. Let’s help this lady find a dang swimsuit!!!