Madonna and Adele Will Team Up to Write Ballads for Old People

A source close to Madonna has said that the singer recently met with Adele in London, and they were so into working together that they pinky-swore to each record a song for the other’s next album. Nobody’s really sure what the phrase “grown-up” is supposed to mean here, but if the universe is really the complex matrix of hidden meaning that religious people seem to think it is, then “grown-up ballad album” means an album of ballads about different varieties of fancy dildos. [Daily Mail]

• This is a picture of Kim Kardashian and Nicole Richie hanging out when they were dorky thirteen-year-olds with piles and piles of money. [EurWeb]
• And this is a picture of Kylie Jenner making fun of her older sis’s butt pose. [People]
• A small, independent studio just released a sequel to Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon Get Married predictably titled Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon Get Remarried. [E!]
• You can end your vigil. The police have found Venus Williams‘s car, a Fiat that a Burbank-area giant named Thomas was using a bath slipper (even giants know that plantar warts are gross). [TMZ]
• No, Cissy Houston is certainly not okay with Bobbi Kristina and Nick Gordon‘s nuptials. Can’t you tell by her frown? [TMZ]
• Ke$ha and her mom are rehabbing together 24/7. [E!]
• Jennifer Lawrence wanted to kiss Batman, not Fatman, said American Hustle director David O. Russell in between guffaws. Get it?? Because Christian Bale had to pork out for the Hustle role to trick the Academy into giving him a Best Actor award so he could finally implement his stage-exit shimmy:
• A B-movie writer named Quentin Tarantula has just finished working on a new script called The Hateful Eight, a horror movie about a talking spider script writer whose eight legs turn against him, one by one. [Deadline]
• Writer Cormac McCarthy‘s ex-wife, Jennifer McCarthy (not the Jenny McCarthy, obviously), was arrested after she got into a heated argument about aliens that ended when she apparently pulled a gun from her vagina and shouted, “You know, Burke, I don’t know which species is worse. You don’t see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage.” Or something. [TSG]
• Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo deserve each other. [E!]
• Tang Wei, an actress from the movie Lust, Caution, was swindled out of a pretty big chunk of money. [AP via Yahoo]
• Meat Loaf will partner with Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, and Marlon Jackson to campaign for Pluto’s reinstatement as a planet, then, once Pluto regains planetary status, they will all fly there and perform a 24-hour, seven-day-a-week concert at the Pluto Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino. Of course, in the unlikely event that their initial plan fails, they’ll play a less remarkable concert at the Las Vegas Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino because it’s always best to have a backup plan. [CNN]

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