Microbiome Hackers Want to Make Your Pussy Taste Like Diet Cola

Having a pussy that tastes like cola might no longer be a pipe dream of Lana Del Rey’s, but a reality that you — YES, YOU — could participate in. There are scientists out there who are working on “gut hacks” that would actually change the taste and smell of your vagina.

Ben Richmond from Vice recently spoke with Gilad Gome, the founder of a Silicon Valley startup called mirOculous that focuses on blood diagnosis.

Richmond writes:

Lactobacillus are a friendly bacteria that live in our digestive systems, urinary tracts, and genitals, and Gome’s team is working on a new strain that can carry medicinal benefits as well as “pleasant scents and flavors” and can be introduced into the system by insert or food.

“So a woman can protect herself from UTIs, and pathogens by taking a probiotic,” Gome said, “and if she wants she can hack into her microbiome and make her vagina smell like roses and taste like diet cola.”

Gome’s team is also working on a way to make shit smell like actual roses, but say that the process is riskier because “it’s going to take some destruction of the gut.” So instead they’re working on changing the flavor of our junk. I don’t know why it has to be diet cola, though. If you’re going to change the flavor of my pussy — which is actually doing alright without being “hacked” into — you might as well go full fat.