Reader Roundup

By Dodai Stewart | May 11, 2010 | 8:30pm

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Tuesday’s best comments: Come in for the comedy, stay for the booklearnin’!

Best Comment Of The Day, in response to The Creature From The ________ Lagoon: “A Man, A Can, A Tan: Situation!” • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Notable/Quotable: “Oh look who just became the Zell Miller of fucking.” And! “That kind of thinking went out one million years BC ago.” • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Teri Hatcher’s Awesome Site For Awesome Women Who Want To Feel More Awesome: “Have we really gone from ‘I am woman, hear me roar’ to ‘I am chick, hear me peep’?” • Best Comment of The Day, in response to Sexual Activity Worsens For Couples Over 45: “This study was conducted by the children of several couples who are above the age of 45 and concluded with the sentence ‘AND IF THEY DID HAVE SEX IT WOULD BE TOTALLY TOTALLY GROSS AND I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.'” • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Tyra Turns To Fiction; Lady Gaga Will Take Your Questions Now:

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CHAPTER ONE: THE GIRL WHO SMIZED

Mr. and Mrs. Catalog, of number four, Unfashionable Drive, were proud to say that they bought everything at Target, thank you very much. They were the last people you’d expect to be involved in anything fashionable or stylish, because they just didn’t hold with such fabulousness.

Mr. Catalog was the director of a firm called Borings, which made unflattering clothes. He was a big, beefy man who lost his neck in photographs, although he did have lots of armpit hair. Mrs. Catalog was thin and blonde but had terrible proportions, which was very useful for stirring up shit in the house. The Catalogs had a small daughter named Dreckley and in their opinion there was no finer girl anyway.

The Borings had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody might discover it. They didn’t thing they could bear it if anyone found out about the Coutures. Mrs. Couture was Mrs. Catalog’s sister, but they hadn’t met for several years; in fact, Mrs. Catalog pretended she didn’t have a sister, because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unCataglogish as it was possible to be. The Catalogs shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Coutures arrived in the street. The Catalogs knew that the Coutures had a small daughter, too, but they had never seen her. The girl was another good reason for keeping the Coutures away; they didn’t want Dreckley mixing with a child like that.

Special Mention Jpeg Of The Day: Here!

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