Selena Gomez Rang in 2020 By Getting Stung By a Portuguese Man O' War

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Selena Gomez Rang in 2020 By Getting Stung By a Portuguese Man O' War

Selena Gomez, who sang no less than four of my top Spotify songs in 2019, was stung by a Portuguese man o’ war while vacationing in Hawaii over New Year’s. Doesn’t this feel a bit on the nose, after the year she’s had?

But according to photos in TMZ, Gomez seemed extremely subdued about the whole situation, posing in her beach sweater and dangling chicly from a handsome smiling man who carried her to safety. How, though? A sting by a man o’ war is supposed to be brutally painful; the kind of pain that doesn’t kill you but does impel you to throw yourself on the sand and ugly-howl for at least long enough for the paparazzi to commit it to film. This makes me wonder if the “sting” was just a lie concocted to drum up press for her new album, Rare, to be released on Friday.

If so, fine, but she’s going to have to try harder. This is 2020! Send a dead man o’ war printed with Gomez’s face to the first 500 people to download the album or I’m bored. [TMZ]

I’m puzzled by this sequence of events. Champagne is not water. Could they not obtain actual water? Was water some sort of scarce resource, like the Golden Globes are a refugee camp or Fyre Festival?


Also, what were Beyoncé and Jay-Z even doing there? My god, why would you ever attend one of these things if you didn’t absolutely have to? Yuck! [People]

  • Jade Roper Tolbert and Tanner Tolbert have been accused of collusion, very romantic. [E! News]
  • Good for her, I say! [Page Six]
  • Taylor Swift did a PDA. [Us]
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