A badass criminal cat recently slipped into an elderly English couple’s home, proceeding to attack one of ’em, trash some antiques and, yes, shit everywhere. I think it’s time to consider the possibility we have a feline uprising on our hands.
Kent Online reports (h/t Metro) that the Goughs were minding their own business, watching TV, when chaos descended in cat form. Said 74-year-old Bruce Gough: “I suddenly saw the cat standing in the doorway. It must have got in through a bedroom window.”
“When I got up, it dashed off into a spare bedroom and I found it hiding under the bed. I tried to coax it out but it wouldn’t budge, so I got a broom to ease it out.
“But when I went to pick it up, it just flew at me and sank its teeth and claws into my forearm.
“It was going berserk and flew around the room, knocking things over, including a Victorian ewer on the mantlepiece, which smashed.”
The feral villain then scaled the curtains and squatted in a window until the next morning, when the homeowners asked their motorcyclist neighbor for help. He suited up in his leatheriest leathers and managed to grasp the cat in a blanket. I mean, look at this cat. This cat does not give a fuck:
That’s the stare of a hardened criminal.
Between this and the cats who locked their owner in her own bedroom, I’d say there’s been a marked uptick in feline shenanigans. Be vigilant. It seems unlikely cats will actually attempt to seize power, because they’ve got it pretty good already, but if they ever amass any serious firepower we’ll be forced to spend all day, every day serving the local strays Fancy Feast.
Photo via Ermolaev Alexander/Shutterstock.