The 9 Best Sex Tips from Kanye West's New Album 'Yeezus'
LatestLike every other cool person with a rich, fulfilling social life in the BIG CITY, I spent the weekend bopping around to Kanye West’s leaked new album Yeezus. And even though I expect any Kanye joint to be the sonic equivalent of a load of angry jizz in my earhole, this album seemed especially rife with sexual imagery. Incredibly servicey sexual imagery. Didn’t notice? Not to worry. We’ve translated the best sex tips from the album from Kanyenese to English for your reading and sexing pleasure.
Tip #1: When performing oral sex on a member of a specific cultural group, spice things up by involving traditional food items from that person’s country or region of ancestry.
Yeezus lyric:
Eating asian pussy,
All I need was sweet & sour sauce
– “I’m In It”
Suggested Application: Eat lutefisk off a Norwegian guy’s balls.
Tip #2: Don’t have sex with religious people/Don’t be religious, or it will ruin your fun.
Yeezus lyric:
Then she said she impregnated, that’s the night your heart died
Then you gotta go and tell your girl and report that
Main reason cause your pastor said you can’t abort that
– “Blood on the Leaves”
Suggested Application: (ibid)
Tip #3: Cherish a good partner when you find one; they are significantly more worthy of your time than other people of ill repute.
Yeezus lyric:
One good girl is worth a thousand bitches.
– “Bound 2”
Suggested Application: Resist the temptation to fuck groupies and hold out for a Mandy Moore type. You know, if you have groupies.
Tip #4: Don’t neglect your wife or Kanye West will have sex with her.
Yeezus lyric:
Fuck you and your Hamptons house
I’ll fuck you and your Hamptons spouse
– “New Slaves”
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