The Exciting Things You Learn While Volunteering at a Women's Clinic


First of all: there are men out there who will water down their urine in order to offer their wives “proof” they didn’t give them chlamydia.

  • You can order Ephedrine online (but don’t).
  • Dental dams smell good, taste like nothing, and are fun to play with by stretching over your face and sticking your tongue out at people — that’s pretty much the only use they get.
  • Here’s the most effective safe sex demonstration of all time: pull a condom over your head to demonstrate that girls should never fall for the “it doesn’t fit” excuse.
  • Piña Colada is the best lube flavor.
  • Texturized condoms are more popular than regular condoms.
  • Kimonos are the most popular condom brand.
  • Lifestyles are the most common condom brand.
  • Gay men use female condoms for anal sex. You can put it in up to 4 hours before you have sex; just make sure you take out the ring on the inside of the condom.
  • UTIs and yeast infections are more prevalent in the winter.
  • Positive chlamydia and gonorrhea results go up by about 30% in San Francisco after Burning Man.
  • The most exciting moment of a volunteer’s training is the first time she conducts a positive pregnancy test.
  • Women have tried to induce spontaneous abortions using parsley and Vitamin C.
  • Millennial women cope impressively well when they find out they have HPV. Older women do not take the news as easily.
  • It’s not cool for volunteers to steal clinic supplies — especially XL condoms.
  • The “pull out method” is an acceptable form of pregnancy prevention, but it’s still considered unprotected sex.
  • Abstinence is 0 to 100% effective.
  • Don’t freak out when you’re called into the counseling room after your rapid oral HIV test; all patients are, due to a privacy policy.
  • If your boyfriend doesn’t want to accompany you to your IUD insertion appointment you should cancel the appointment, and then you should dump him.
  • Dr. Bronner’s soap is bad for your vagina’s natural flora and best used for your dishes.
  • No one likes the IUD model/demonstration.
  • Your vagus nerve passes through your cervix and that’s why some women pass out when they get IUD insertions.
  • Sometimes girls and women experience hot flashes after getting a Mirena IUD due to low hormone levels.
  • Yaz/Yasmin can cause muscle weakness and cramps due to changes in Potassium levels. But that doesn’t mean you need to join a class action lawsuit if you’re not feeling up to going to the gym.
  • Everyone loves the Beyonce Pandora station.

Luiza Savin has been volunteering in women’s reproductive health for two years in the Bay Area. She spends a lot of time talking to women about birth control options, UTI symptoms and vaginal flora.

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