Anthony Weiner is not gone. He may have lost his bid for New York Mayor but as a new profile in GQ reveals, he’s still chuggin’ along, full of thoughts and opinions and what-ifs. Case in point: “…maybe if the Internet didn’t exist? Like, if I was running in 1955? I’d probably get elected mayor,” Weiner told the magazine.
We say: don’t live your life in the past, Anthony. But if you’re going to, at least look on the sunny side of that past. Here’s some stuff we know you’d miss if the internet didn’t exist:
- Porn would be much harder to come by.
- If you liked something, you’d have to say out loud “I LIKE THIS.”
- Dunno, Seamless? People use that right?
- Can we just talk about how there was a mini-Mean Girls reunion Wednesday night where Damian and Lindsay sat mere feet from each other at a fashion show?
- You’d actually have to try on clothes in stores with mirrors and that unflattering lighting situation that always occurs.
- You’d miss out on great gchats with your mom.
- The ability to watch Positive K’s music video for “I Got A Man” whenever you want.
- Blog lyfe yo.
- This Wikipedia page.
- The ability to download free library books onto your phone and read them wherever you roam.
- Venmo, which means your friends will never owe you money. “Oh right, how much was that drink I bought you six months ago?”
- Parody Twitter accounts. Just kidding, those suck.
- Party Down. There’s no actual proof that if the internet hadn’t existed this show wouldn’t have aired, but I certainly wouldn’t be able to rewatch it on the regular without ye old internet.
- JOKES. The internet is full of jokes!
- Google-stalking potential dates. No matter what anyone says, the option is always there and options are a beautiful thing.
- Maps. Maps all the time.
- Without the internet, I wouldn’t be able to Google how cute your son is all the time. He is so cute!
- On that note: unlimited access to “Anthony Weiner is serious/sad/contemplative” photos (see above).
- Lists on Yahoo Answers like “What are 5 positive things about using the internet?“
- YOLO probably wouldn’t have caught on as quickly as it did, which would have been a crying shame #yolo.
See Anthony, this is a list of great things about the internet that I came up with in like ten minutes, which means if you put your mind to it, you can stop living in the dark ages and start seizing the day! No one ever got anywhere by looking back, etc etc.
The Year of Living Carlos Dangerously [GQ]
Images via Getty