Uh, Angelina Jolie Skipped Her Aunt's Funeral For Brad Pitt's Premiere

CelebritiesDirt Bag

For the first time since revealing her preventative double mastectomy to The New York Times, Angelina Jolie hit the red carpet with Maddox, Pax, and her really obscure commonlaw partner Brad Pitt at the premiere of his film World War Z, which I keep confusing with Z For Zachariah because because. She told the press: “I’m here for Brad, I’m so proud of him.”

In order to attend the premiere, Jolie missed the funeral of her aunt Debbie Martin, who passed away of breast cancer last week. Choosing choices, lose-lose, no wrong decision, etc.! [NYDN]

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s Kimyeby is a female human that will soon be upon us. It was announced by Kim on Keeping Up With The Why Is America Like This, I’ll Have a Gin and Ginger Ale Please Hold The Ginger Ale. “I’m so excited we’re having a girl. Who doesn’t want a girl? I think they are the best. I know that’s really what Kanye has always wanted — he wanted a little girl.” Mazel. [Us Weekly]

Yesterday Michael Douglas exploded the Internet when he attributed his throat cancer to HPV, which he contracted after, as Secretary of State Missy Elliot so delicately puts it, going downtown and eating it like a vulture. The CDC reports that 63% of the 11,700 oropharyngeal cancers diagnosed in America are caused by HPV. Also, head, neck and throat cancers that tested positive for HPV spiked a whopping 225% from 1988 to 2004.

Now a totally un-nuanced version of this (“if you eat a girl out you will get cancer, and die”) is emblazoned on the brains of men who love Wall Street, which will inevitably lead to a female oral sex drought in metropolitan areas. Hang tight and stay inside. [Vitals/NBC]

Amanda Bynes has been evicted from the Biltmore, the Midtown apartment building in which her arrest for throwing a bong out of her 36th floor apartment took place last week (and also the scene of that grosss InTouch spread). Reportedly, building authorities had been working on tossing Bynes out even before the arrest: a Biltmore source says “she’s no longer welcome to the building in light of recent events.” [NYDN]

Amy Poehler’s ex-husband Will Arnett still believes, quite un-Gob Bluth-ianly, in the institution of marriage – but while Poehler is going out with Nick Kroll, dating understandably scares the fuck out of Arnett. “Yeah, I don’t know what you do,” he says. “Do you put out an announcement in the trades? I’M DATING! It all seems very scary to me, to be honest. So I’m kind of keeping pretty close counsel right now.”

U guys remember that time he was on Sex and The City as the guy who banged Miranda up against the door of the Mark Twain House? [People]

  • J’Biebs’ neighbors strike back. ¡Viva la Revolución! TMZ]
  • Just spent too much time chortling at the name Prince von Ahole, and how are YOU this morning? [TMZ]
  • Channing and Jenna Dewan-Tatum had their probably-hideous girl baby. [People]
  • Demi Moore has been consulting an astrologer to make sure her settlement with Ashton Kutcher’s spiritually okay/the moon is in the 7th house and Jupiter aligns with Urahole. [TMZ]
  • The model currently dating Adam Levine doesn’t want him to find out that she used to date The Wanted member and reported LiLo ex Max George because then she’ll have to explain to Adam Levine what sexual intercourse is, and that’s really a job for Adam Levine’s mom, right? [Page Six]
  • Jemima Kirke’s name was misspelled at the door of some event and she was nice about correcting it. In other news, our standards for celebrity conduct are increasingly lower :D? [Page Six]
  • Let’s all stare at Madonna’s face, I guess. [NYDN]
  • Jesse James’ teen daughter was caught on video doing meth and is now heading to rehab. [Radar Online]
  • Deadline has maybe fired the famous, private Hollywood movie biz blogger Nikki Finke. [Vulture]
  • An important witness in the LeAnn Rimes criminal case — against a woman named Kim Smiley who taped a phone call between them without Rimes’ knowledge — has gone silent and disappeared from social meda. Veronica Mars is already on the case. [Radar Online]
  • Taylor Swift’s security team have been throwing seagulls at members of Rhode Island beach cleanup. (Or just like, generally harassing them, but wouldn’t seagulls be better?) [Radar Online]
  • Kylie Jenner, Willow Smith and Hailey Baldwin got Starbucks and pizza without acknowledging any of their screaming fans, who have since taken to the World Wide Web to be like “RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE.” [Radar Online]
  • 21-year-old Filipino singer Charice, who has appeared on Oprah and Glee, has publicly come out as gay, having just gotten a “more masculine makeover” and had a coming-out birthday party with friends. [Gossip Cop]
  • Here is a Vine of Harry Styles eating (non-euphemistic) cake as the best man at his mom’s wedding. [Gossip Cop]
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