Unfortunately, This Is a Hilarious Thing to Do to Your Nemesis

A Republican lawmaker in Vermont was caught repeatedly pouring a cup of water into her Democratic colleague's tote bag. It's the move of a bratty 10-year-old and I can't stop laughing at how insane this is. 

Unfortunately, This Is a Hilarious Thing to Do to Your Nemesis

Mary Morrissey, a Republican state representative from Vermont, is an asshole. Not only does she vote against abortion rights but she bullies and harrasses her Democratic colleagues who do support abortion rights.

Specifically, she’s been bullying her fellow state Rep. Jim Carroll (D), whom she’s known since they were kids, by randomly pouring a cup of water into his tote bag for at least five months. Unfortunately, this is such an absurd and insane thing to do that it’s pretty fucking hilarious. It’s essentially the move of a bratty eight-year-old who’s angry her mom said she couldn’t have a cookie before dinner. There are at least three people from my past to whom I would have loved to have done this.

Obviously, if I were on the other side of this and it was my bag getting mysteriously soaked by an anti-abortion asshole, I would not be happy. And neither was Carroll. “It was torment, there’s no doubt about it,” he said at a House veto session on Monday. Carroll told VTDigger that he suspected he was being targeted after it went on for a couple of months, sometimes daily. But officials said they needed evidence, so he hatched a plan with his brother and set up a video camera inside a coatrack. Smart!

He captured two videos in April of Morrissey dumping a full-ass cup of water into his bag.

“I am truly ashamed for my actions,” Morrissey said on Monday. “It was conduct most unbecoming of my position as a representative and as a human being, and is not reflective of my 28 years of service and civility.” She’s currently being investigated by the House Ethics Panel.

“Quite honestly, I don’t know why I did it,” Morrissey told VTDigger on June 13. “I was not meaning to hurt him. It is something very out of character for me, and I am truly ashamed.” But in his own interview with VTDigger, Carroll said this was very much in character for Morrissey. “One or two times, I’d say, ‘Well, it’s just a joke,’” he told the outlet. “But no, this went on unabated from January until May, when she got caught.”

“She said, ‘I just want you to know that I think your parents would be so ashamed of you if you voted in favor of codification,’ or words to that effect,” Carroll said, adding that Morrissey claimed to have a 20-year-old letter from his parents “expressing their feelings about abortion.” (Honestly Carroll, I probably would have gotten a restraining order against her, wtf is that??)

“I was stunned, absolutely stunned, that she would drag my dead parents from the grave,” he added. VTDigger reported that Carroll used to be the Morrissey’s paperboy, they attended the same Catholic church growing up, and Morrissey says she knew his parents “very well.”

Reps. Jim Carroll and Mary A. Morrissey. Photo: Vermont General Assembly

Further, Carroll told SevenDaysVT that he recently overheard Morrissey telling colleagues, “He looks soused to me!” when he returned to work after a DUI arrest and subsequent stint in rehab. She also would just make random, mean remarks??? “Her favorite was, she’d be in proximity to me—either near the elevator, or in the lunch line, or at one of the ice cream socials—and she’d say, ‘What is that smell?’ and she’d recoil from me,” Carroll said. “She would say it in front of other legislators, and it was humiliating.” What a dick.

Despite all this, Carroll apparently had no intention of making the videos public since he didn’t want to embarrass Morrissey. But when SevenDays first broke the story on June 7, Carroll emailed the videos a few days later, writing, “I believe it is only right that I release the video to be fully transparent to my constituents and all Vermonters.” You’re a bigger person than me, Carroll! I would have made a TikTok the second I caught her.

But what a story! What a saga. What an absolute sociopath Morrissey is. Just remember kids, this is your brain on anti-abortion politics.

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