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In January, Donald Trump, at 78 years and seven months, became the oldest person ever to be sworn in as president of the United States. In a move that is very reassuring to all of us, Trump has not released a medical report, despite telling CBS News in August and NBC News in December that he would. He has released vague letters from doctors but hasn’t disclosed detailed records since a 2018 physical when he was first president. Vice President Kamala Harris did call him out on this toward the end of her 107-day campaign, but perhaps if Joe Biden hadn’t run again, or simply dropped out earlier, Trump’s age and lack of medical transparency would have become a more salient issue!
I mention this because Trump’s had large bruises on the back of his right hand multiple times in recent months. A makeup-covered bruise was visible on Monday during his meeting with French President Emmanuel Macron. When NBC asked the White House for comment, top propagandist—I mean, press secretary—Karoline Leavitt had an absurd response.
“President Trump is a man of the people. His commitment is unwavering, and he proves that every single day,” Leavitt said, adding, “President Trump has bruises on his hand because he’s constantly working and shaking hands all day every day.”
NBC News said its reporters also noticed bruising or redness on his right hand in August and November, either via direct observation or photographs. They weren’t the only ones: Time Magazine saw it as well, and Trump gave the same ridiculous excuse, suggesting Leavitt is parroting his preferred explanation. From the Time story: “Sitting under bright lights for a 30-minute photo session ahead of a 65-minute interview [in late November], he’s asked to explain the bruising on his right hand. ‘It’s from shaking hands with thousands of people,’ he says.”
In my opinion, and that of others online, this bruise looks like the result of having an IV line inserted on the back of the hand, rather than the inside of the wrist or elbow. Hypothetically, if an egomaniac who balks at sharing information about his health doesn’t want people to know about multiple apparent IV infusions, he might claim he got the bruises from something else, like handshakes. He might also choose to continue getting the infusions in his right hand, even though he is right-handed and the other hand would be less annoying, because handshakes are done with the right hand.
That’s one theory, but I’m sure there are others! Is Melania Trump punching him and miraculously landing in the same spot multiple times? Is Barron Trump smashing his dad’s hand with a paperweight? Is a Russian agent abusing him? Drop your preferred explanation in the comments.
Trump-related barf:
- The Pentagon said that, in addition to banning transgender people from joining the military, it would discharge people who are currently serving without incident. The memo was made public as part of a lawsuit over the enlistment ban. [Washington Post]
- Checking in on the FBI: Trump selected former Secret Service agent and conservative podcaster Dan Bongino as deputy director, while nutjob director Kash Patel wants to partner with the UFC to help agents improve their physical fitness??? [Reuters/ABC News]
- Shadow president Elon Musk said canceling the U.S. Agency for International Development‘s Ebola prevention funding was basically an oopsie, but he fixed it. But current and former USAID officials say it’s not fixed. [Bluesky/Washington Post]
- Musk is also trying to funnel even more government money to one of his companies, Starlink, by foisting its internet satellites on the Federal Aviation Administration and a Biden-era broadband program. [CNN/Bloomberg]
- Sorry, more Musk: Nearly 40% of the contracts that DOGE canceled won’t save the government any money because the funds have already been spent. [Associated Press]
- Government efficiency! It was Trump’s idea for the Department of Homeland Security to launch an ad campaign—which cost $200 million—thanking him for closing the border. [Rolling Stone]
- A group of military contractors, including former Blackwater CEO Erik Prince, gave a proposal to Trump before he was sworn in that outlines spending $25 billion to deport 12 million people before the 2026 midterms. The plan calls for a private fleet of 100 planes, a network of “processing camps” on military bases, and a “small army” of private citizens empowered to make arrests. [Politico]
- Term-limited Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis thinks his wife Casey would be a better governor than Trump-endorsed Rep. Byron Donalds. Awkward! [Associated Press]
Non-Trump barf:
- Iowa lawmakers passed a despicable bill to remove state civil rights protections for transgender people. [Des Moines Register]
- Failed presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy is running for governor of Ohio partly on a platform of “merit-based pay” for public school teachers. [NBC News]
- Ed Martin, acting US Attorney for Washington DC and anti-abortion freak, did not sign an arrest warrant for Rep. Cory Mills (R-Fla.) who was accused of assaulting a woman outside his DC home. [Rolling Stone]
- New York Gov. Kathy Hochul (D) ordered the City University of New York to remove a job posting for a Palestinian studies professor. A spokesperson claimed a review was necessary “to ensure that antisemitic theories are not promoted in the classroom,” as if the mere existence of Palestinian people is antisemitic. [The Guardian]
- An Alabama school board fired a cafeteria worker who collected donations to pay for elementary school students’ lunches. [WWNY]
This has been your weekly Barf Bag, thanks for reading!
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