Women Are 'Nothing But Abortion Machines' Sputters Rush Limbaugh


Thrice-divorced, pill-abusing “conservative” Rush Limbaugh has a real problem with the loose morals of American women, whom he claims have been turned into “abortion machines” by Democratic politicians.

Limbaugh, who once called Georgetown Law student Sandra Fluke a “slut” because she expressed the belief that insurance companies should be compelled to cover birth control, has his gullet in a bunch over the way he feels that women have been “demeaned” by liberal policies. Yesterday, he said,

Look at what [liberals] are doing to women with their policies: They’re demeaning them, they’re turning them into nothing but abortion machines. There’s so much that we could be doing to just fight back, but the Republican Party, even if they had all the money in the world right now, doesn’t seem inclined to do any of this.

Another cool way that Rush Limbaugh has defended women against being “demeaned”: That time he suggested that abortion rates would decrease if women had to use guns to perform them.

But Limbaugh’s strong personal history of feminism and strict adherence to the moral code he imposes on others aside, I’m totally stoked that soon my liberal friends and I will be turned into abortion machines for a few reasons:

  1. Saves a ton of money and time waiting in abortion clinic waiting rooms when what I really want to do, as a lady, is get straight to the abortin‘! One thing women love more than anything is vaginal cramping and bleeding! I love doctors, man! I love having my genitalia scrutinized over by people wearing novelty scrubs! All bitches do!
  2. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a robot. Once my transition to machine is complete, I’m going to go around saying ABORT ABORT ABORT in a robot voice to my robo-friends and we’re all going to laugh and laugh because that can mean two things.
  3. Abortion Machine is a good band name.

Anyway, the human body is amazing.


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