A Good Man Really Is Hard to Find

The Irish Times reports that Teague announced the dissolution of her union on social media and that the relationship ended after less a year. “So I feel it’s time to let everyone know that my marriage is over,” Teague reportedly wrote. “I will explain all in due course but for now all I want to say is be VERY careful when dabbling in spirituality, it’s not something to mess with…”

As previously reported, their marriage took place on a boat in international waters, performed legally by a shaman priest, in January of this year. While little to no information exists about the ins and outs of their union, one can only assume that their love was as tempestuous as the seas upon which they were married: full of soaring highs, devastating lows, and smelling vaguely of brackish waters and dried squid. The news of their dissolution is not unexpected though, as a pirate cannot be contained. A pirate will roam, in search of rum, or another parrot, or something—anything, really—to stave off scurvy.

Loving a pirate is a fool’s errand. It will only end in heartbreak.