Abstinence Educators Like Misinformation, Square Dancing
LatestInfiltrator Harmon Leon‘s latest fish-shooting expedition was to the abstinence education group Life Choices, where he learned that people who run abstinence programs are uncool and do not get sexual innuendo.
Leon’s last infiltration turned up the shocking information that Christian anti-porn groups are bad at both filmmaking and “hip hop language,” and his recent foray into the anti-sex world proceeds in a similar vein. He showed up to train as a teen abstinence educator “dressed real sleazy-tight shirt and jean shorts, cut really high. So high, in fact, that I run a risk of one of my nads popping out. Why? To take God’s test on this whole born-again-virgin thing. I’ve also decided to talk in sexual double entendres to see where that leads.” The whole making-conservatives-uncomfortable-via-sex-jokes is sort of old hat at this point, and I find it sort of hard to be fully on the side of anyone who uses the word “nads.” Still, as was almost assured, Leon witnesses some weird shit. Life Choices advises that teens simply “avoid arousal” (yeah right), and when Leon asks what to do if dancing turns you on, one of the trainers responds thus: