Being a celebrity is probably awesome about 85 percent of the time. Then there’s the time you spend fending off photographers or, on more frightening occasions, stalkers, and it almost makes languishing in your money pool and having Brad Pitt’s number saved on your iPhone as “Pittstains” seem like poor consolation prizes for near constant tabloid surveillance. Selena Gomez received her own share of celebrity crappiness this week, when Los Angeles police arrested a 19-year-old man on suspicion of trespassing at Gomez’s home.
According to Officer Rosario Herrera, a family member called 911 Saturday morning after seeing someone lurking around Gomez’s home in the San Fernando Valley area of Tarzana. It’s not clear if Gomez was actually home at the time of the lurking, but police arrested the 19-year-old intruder on suspicion of trespassing and now Selena Gomez can get back to enjoying the perks that come with almost everyone everywhere know what you look like, roughly where you live, and what other celebrity you’re exchanging awful text messages with. [AP]
- Speaking of Justin Bieber, the international mini-villain has resurfaced on a beach in Panama walking beside model/singer Chantel Jeffries with an evil parrot perched on his shoulder. Ha, just kidding — the parrot had been left at the Panamanian airport where it now performs a thrice daily squawk show (like a peep show, but with squawks) in baggage claim. [People]
- Also, Justin Bieber’s kitchen is apparently a Willy Wonka factory tour of drugs. [TMZ]
- Patrick Dempsey has signed on for another two years of Grey’s Anatomy, which is weird because Grey’s Anatomy has only signed on for another year of Grey’s Anatomy. [AP]
- Tyga, who, in the photo TMZ has chosen for this story, sort of looks like Benny, Imhotep’s lackey from 1999’s seminal lesson in maximizing the effect of implied PG-13 gore, The Mummy, has been ordered to pay $200k for some expensive jewelry he apparently took without asking (also, we must point out, not unlike how Benny takes treasure from the buried city of Hamuaptra — THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES). [TMZ]
- You know? Now that I’ve gotten all worked up about The Mummy, it’s impossible not to think Scarlett Johansson‘s fiancé — whom she is in no rush to actually marry —looks exactly like the first of the American treasure hunters to get Imhotepped when he loses his glasses and is summarily de-oculused. I don’t know if ScarJo’s fiancé in fact wears glasses, but it seems pretty clear that a lot of famous people look kind of like other people. [Daily Mail]
- Justin Bieber’s former housekeeper, one Tatiana Voziouk, says that Biebs will turn into a “zombie” — OR A MUMMY — if he keeps imbibing all those drugs. [Mirror]
- Kevin Smith announced on his blog that he will co-direct a Creepshow-inspired horror anthology called Comes the Krampus! Nobody has said whether or not mummies will be involved, but it’s probably best to assume that they will be and express our collective outrage later, when they aren’t. [Silent Bob Speaks]
- Christina Ricci will play Lizzie Borden in a Lifetime movie called Lizzie Borden Took an Ax, which, let’s be honest, sounds like the elliptical title of a children’s book in which each new illustration is introduced with the conjunction “and” followed by some gruesome act. [TV Guide]
- “‘I’m definitely going to shave my head before I die,” said Kristen Stewart. “I will definitely tattoo my head while it’s shaved before my hair grows back.” Oh really? You know who else had a shaved head? [People]
Image via AP