Ashlee and Evan Ross's 'I Do' Makes Us Say 'I Can't'

By Clover Hope | September 7, 2018 | 9:30pm

Entertainment Music

I don’t: Ashlee Simpson and Evan Ross, “I Do” – At last (just kidding), the Ross couple released the duet they’ve been teasing to promote their upcoming reality show and it’s um, a song. Judging from the title, and lyrics like “this love came over me like a hurricane,” I’m taking a wild guess that it’s a shot at a timeless wedding tune. Here are two people who shouldn’t be singing a ballad doing a ballad, and it’s not really pleasant. —Clover Hope

It’s okay: Eminem, “Fall” (video) – Last Friday, Eminem surprise attacked us with his album Kamikaze, where he procedurally rails on young rappers like Machine Gun Kelly, as well as the media and all the people who disliked his previous album. It’s the usual fare, with better rapping and zero great songs. While this song is one of the few good ones on the album to me, it’s still not one I’d cue up frequently. The vibe of this video is that darkness follows Em and once again it’s him against himself. —CH

Most Popular

Absolutely the fuck not: Tana Mongeau, “Fuck Up” – YouTube, for a select few, has ushered in a new wave of “famous for being famous” celebrity with undeniably lucrative benefits and a sustainable level of anonymity outside of the 10 to 18 age demographic. It’s still a rough way to live—fucked up, even, Tana Mongeau declares—in her latest single, “Fuck Up.” Who told this woman she could sing? And why is she perpetuating the myth? —Maria Sherman

Yah, brah: Swearin’, “Future Hell” – Swearin’, the Philly-slash-Los Angeles indie pop-rock band fronted by Allison Crutchfield (twin sister of Katie Crutchfield, better known by her musical moniker Waxahatchee) are preparing to release their first album in five years, Fall Into The Sun, next month. “Future Hell” is the last track on the release, one of the rare moments in the band’s repertoire when guitarist Kyle Gilbride takes over lead vocals, immediately giving the track an undeniable ’90s Merge Records feel (which makes sense, given the fact that the band is currently signed to Merge.) It’s familiar—the frequent comparisons to the Pixies’ Black Francis are not far off—without plummeting into total derivative territory. The song might describe a particular hell, but listening is a real pleasure. —MS

Such a fuckin’ NO: Kanye West and Lil Pump feat. Adele Givens, “I Love It” – I hate it. —Rich Juzwiak

Yeah sure: Rvssian, Farruko and J Balvin, “Ponle” – This song feels like a good reminder that there are still 15 days of summer left, and a good backdrop for when I’m on a rooftop sipping lemon drop martinis to savor them. There’s nothing particularly stellar about the song per se, though I do like the sketched-over, video game vision the director had for the video. Rhythmically, it’s a classic, simple beat with some prominent relaxing reggae undertones which Jamaican producer Rvssian is likely responsible for. All in all, not something I’d know how to dance to—though this gal clearly does:

If you know her, email me—seriously, I could use a lesson or two. She and Farruko take the spotlight in this one. Bb-face Balvin, who I love but recognize is not a great or even good dancer (despite what both he and my mother may say), makes it easy for those of us who can relate; with this move I get the feeling they’re trying to have you catch onto:

Here’s to summer being a mood more than a season. —Ecleen Caraballo

Fuck yeah: AlunaGeorge feat. Cautious Clay, “Superior Emotion” – Surprise, bitch; they’re back. The British duo released this new single to announce their upcoming EP Champagne Eyes (out next month), and I’m into it. This smooth laidback jam drips with a kind of lovesickness, but it’s not about heartbreak and it certainly isn’t going to bum you out. If anything, it’s a song about that feeling when you want something you shouldn’t, and you’re rolling your eyes a little bit at yourself. Cautious Clay is a cool palate cleanser on the track, and the whole thing is a good reminder of how groovy and gorgeous Aluna Francis and George Reid are together. —Frida Garza

Yes yes yes: Speedy Ortiz, “Blood Keeper” (Liz Phair cover) – I’m obsessed with this new release from Speedy Ortiz, the indie rock band fronted by the stellar guitarist and singer-songwriter Sadie Dupis. Her voice goes perfectly with the lyrics, as she belts out lines like “I’m obsessed, I’m a wreck, I’m insane/Isn’t that what you want me to say?” “Blood Keeper” is a song Liz Phair wrote for the Scream 2 soundtrack that was never released, which is also a fascinating detail that I love. But this song isn’t spooky; it’s just scary good. —FG