Hi, I’m _______ (romance novel first name coupled with Scotch-Irish or German last name, preferably female), and you may know me as a _______, ________, and ________ (noun establishing heterosexuality, noun providing proof of procreation, noun conferring loyalty to dictator), but I’m here to talk to you tonight as a ________ (noun establishing even more vehement loyalty to dictator). When I was ________ (age in the not-too-distant past) years old, I was ________ ed (verb indicating discovery of a problem) with ________ (noun indicating serious, but relatable and sympathetic affliction that isn’t too much of a downer). It was the ________ est (adjective indicating a negative emotional response to previous noun but also suggesting positivity rooted in evangelical Christianity) time of my life. But with the support of my _______ (noun further indicating heteronormative familial structure) and _______ (noun strongly indicating evangelical religious affiliation), I knew that I could ______ (verb indicating a positive shift in narrative). While I was _______ (verb indicating vulnerability), President Trump _______ed (verb indicating a human capacity for compassion) me, which proved that he is the kind of person who genuinely _______ s (verb indicating a typical human response to another human’s anguish) about ________ (noun indicating a human in similar distress to speaker). And while his administration never proposed, passed, or even considered any policy that would _______ (verb indicating action taken to assist suffering humans) the millions of Americans devastated by _______ (noun naming any of the countless ways in which the majority of Americans are currently suffering), the president obviously ________s (verb indicating existence of basic human empathy) about _______ (noun suggesting any carbon-based life form that is not Donald Trump) because of this completely unembellished and factual account of my own personal ________ (noun indicating relatable hardship).
Enjoy!
