Congratulations to Cooke (????) Maroney (????)

Jennifer freaking Lawrence, Katniss of Everdeen, ex-girlfriend of Darren Aronofsky, third highest paid actress in Hollywood, is reportedly dating someone named “Cooke Maroney.” Coincidentally, I could’ve sworn I went to college with a “Cooke Maroney,” and that he was known for pooing on our dorm hallway floor and for being the nephew of the founder of a sneaker brand that rhymes with “spikey.”*

Here is what we know about the new boo, Cork Maloney:

He is director of the Gladstone 64, a very nice looking gallery.
He is 33.
He was introduced to Lawrence by her friend Laura Simpson. “The relationship has been going on a few weeks,” according to a Page Six source.
He has an appealing, dirtbaggy hotness that screams, “Oh, were you waiting in line?”
Once, in an interview with Artsy, he said, “In the art world, the way information is shared is rapidly changing. A growing group of internet-savvy collectors are searching for art online with galleries eager to provide it.”
Once, he stood next to this yellow sculpurette with Gagosian Gallery head Adam Cohen.
I share one (1) mutual friend with him on Facebook.
He (or another Crock McHenry) received a “special thanks” in Grand Theft Auto V.

So mazel to you, Crack McHaha, and mazel to you, Jennifer Lawrence. I honestly think you guys will have fun and seem nice, if rich.