Even Gwyneth Paltrow's Distant Ancestors Were Exceptional

CelebritiesDirt Bag

Gwynnie says she’s recently discovered that her great-great-great-grandfather was a “miracle worker” and “Kabbalah master,” who also saved his shtetl from a fire. Then he guest-starred on Glee and released a cookbook. [Contact Music]

  • Did Hef snub Kendra? She’s allegedly “upset” not to be invited to his upcoming wedding. And if they don’t hurry up, she may have plans! She tells E, “I haven’t gotten my save the date yet…I’m not joking, I’m really pissed off about it. If I don’t get a save the date, I have another wedding to attend that same day. I got a save the date from one of my closest friends for that date.” But…she’ll blow off her friend’s wedding if they get on it? [E]
  • Linda Perry — who wrote “Beautiful” in better days — has come to Xtina‘s defense, saying of Bionic
  • It’s not all about selling a bazillion records to her. She just wants to be able to stand behind it. In the end she did say to me, ‘Maybe I did release the Bionic record too soon. Oh well. Now, I wanna make a rock record!’ I was like ‘Oh, God!’ She’s gonna take everybody for a ride. So, ultimately, why she gets put down I don’t know. You’ll never know, I’ll never know, only Christina will ever figure that out and get the answer.
  • Wait, a rock record? [Autostraddle]
  • Real Houswife Vicki is selling her $2.695 million OC digs. Donn not included. [Perez Hilton]
  • Clint Eastwood is apparently doing a whistling cameo on Brad Paisley‘s new album. We’re envisioning something The Good the Bad and the Ugly-esque. [Contact Music]
  • Speaking of musical talent, Brooke Shields is taking over the role of Morticia Addams, now that Bebe Neuwirth’s run is over. [Hollywood Reporter]
  • Speaking of the theatah, Sandra Bullock apparently really liked Book of Mormon. Some spectator says she was “on her feet, clapping and cheering during the curtain call after laughing her way through the whole performance.” [People]
  • Lindsay Lohan has asserted — again — that she wasn’t drinking when she fell over, saying, “I was NOT drinking, nor do I drink!” [TMZ]
  • Not shockingly — but still depressingly! — some pastor is boycotting Ricky Martin’s Music, Soul and Sex tour. Writes “self-proclaimed apostol Wanda Rolón,” .
  • RM [Ricky Martin] has been proclaimed its ambassador (hell’s, that is). Puerto Rico wake up, everyone praise the lord. This is the island of the Lamb. Alert God.
  • But…isn’t God omniscient? [Huffington Post]
  • Chuck Lorre is sick of your bullshit platitudes. Says the be-Sheen’d producer,
  • I know these are words meant to reassure, but somehow they always leave me feeling that heartbreak, rage and grief are going to come shooting out of me like kidney stones through an inflamed urethra…For someone in crisis, I think a more accurate and helpful assessment of reality would be, ‘Love, sex, food, friendship, art, play, beauty and the simple pleasure of a cup of tea are all well and good, but never forget that God/the universe is determined to kill you by whatever means necessary.
  • [E]
  • Emily Deschanel is pregnant. [People]
  • Nicki Minaj may or may not sign onto X Factor, but not for lack of bizarre Simon Cowell love. Said the sultry songstress, “I love Simon very dearly. He’s such an amazing man. I had the pleasure of meeting him and my life will never be the same, darling. I told him that…I was absolutely in love with him prior to meeting him. And now that I’ve met him, I dream about him every night.” We don’t want to go to there. [ShowBiz Spy]
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