Here's Kristen Stewart's Inscrutable Poem 'My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball'

CelebritiesDirt Bag

Kristen Stewart is on the cover of March’s Marie Claire; in the course of the interview, she READS A POEM SHE WROTE to the man interviewing her. It’s titled “My Heart Is A Whiffle Ball/Freedom Pole,” and it was written after the Twilight Saga had officially ended.

Is it about werewolves? Robert Pattinson? The slow, indifferent erosion of Time wearing upon the insignificant lump of dust that constitutes a human life? Idk, man. Here is is, though:

My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole
I reared digital moonlight
You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black
Kismetly … ubiquitously crest fallen
Thrown down to strafe your foothills
…I’ll suck the bones pretty.
Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps
Spray painted everything known to man,
Stream rushed through and all out into
Something Whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck
Through our windows boarded up
He hit your flint face and it sparked.

And I bellowed and you parked
We reached Marfa.
One honest day up on this freedom pole
Devils not done digging
He’s speaking in tongues all along the pan handle
And this pining erosion is getting dust in
My eyes
And I’m drunk on your morsels
And so I look down the line
Your every twitch hand drum salute
Salutes mine …

I cannot imagine a prospect more terrifying than reading one’s poem to all of the Internet; good for you K-Stew. I’m sure we can expect a fan-annotated edition within the next 24 hours, which I await breathlessly. [Marie Claire]

Liam Hemsworth and The Vampire DiariesNina Dobrev were spotted KISSING at a BAR. I feel like this is the most exciting thing to ever happen to our mortal news cycle, although I don’t watch the Vampire Diaries so I can’t be 100% sure. [The Hollywood Gossip]

Ok, apparently Juan Pablo presented a lucky contestant upon the Bachelor with not only a rose, but also a dick pic (the most romantic gesture of all). We will all probably see it soon, whether we like it or not, because this is the world we live in.

Maybe it’s just me, but I would have to say sending a picture of your erect manhood to someone you met while filming a reality TV program is not the smartest move. [Perez Hilton]

  • A pair of the Nike sneakers Kanye West designed are selling for over $16 million on eBay. [NY Daily News]
  • North West received a t-shirt with a picture of Kim Kardashian‘s face on it, which is a very appropriate gift. [Gossip Cop]
  • A regular guy walked around, not being famous anymore. [Just Jared]
  • Pharrell wore another hat. [Just Jared]
  • Fall Out Boy made their own version of that game Flappy Bird. It’s the collaboration you’ve been waiting your whole life for. [MTV]
  • JUST KIDDING, here is the real collaboration you’ve been waiting your whole life for: T-Pain covered “Royals” by Lorde but turned it in a pro-materialism anthem. Blessed be. [ONTD]
  • Justin Bieber‘s wax figure will be retired from Madame Tussaud’s because it’s been damaged beyond repair by excessive groping. Is this poignant? I can’t tell. [Page Six]
  • Jared Leto said some really nice stuff about his mom. [Pop Sugar]
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