Pride month has begun, and, with it, the annual Sisyphean death rattle of “Who’s allowed at Pride??” discourse. Are straight-passing bisexuals allowed at Pride? What about cishet asexuals? Are they queer, too?? And what about LGBTQ people’s straight, cis partners?? Are they allowed to get a rainbow-striped lanyard and a baggie full of condoms from Bank of America’s gayest interns as wellllll????
To clear up this confusion once and for all so we never have to do this again, here’s a comprehensive list of who’s allowed to go to Pride:
The redhead from the Pussycat Dolls who did standing splits a couple times
…a.k.a. Carmit Bachar. She wore turtleneck leotards. She could do a standing split. She left while the Dolls were still on top. She had bangs sometimes. Her life was, in many ways, queer… and by many, I mean zero. She’s allowed at Pride.
Her, too
Not Kat Von D. That brinch in the back holding up the veil. Standing split! She’s doing it! Same rule applies.
Any pair of gays who ever danced behind a pop star in a music video, 1983-1988
Braver than the marines!
This horse
She’s just living her life.
And no cops
Not even the ones BuzzFeed thinks is hot! Contemporary Pride celebrations all trace their roots back to 1970’s Christopher Street Liberation Day march in New York City, which was itself a demonstration commemorating the Stonewall Riots of 1969, WHICH WERE THEMSELVES incited by police brutality as were similar though less recognized riots in other parts of the country around the same time like Cooper’s Do-nuts and L.A. and Compton’s Cafeteria in San Francisco! No cops!
Feel free to be wrong in the comments below.