Hollywood Walk of Fame Snubs Kim Kardashian, Says She Needs to Get a 'Real Job'

Apparently Kim Kardashian‘s dream is to someday have her name on one of those stars etched in the urine-speckled sidewalk of Los Angeles’s grossest east-west thoroughfare, but the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce is all, “Hahahahahah!!! No.”

“I think there was a quote where somebody said that reality stars will never get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame,” [said Kim], “So, of course I’m so competitive that I think that it would be a huge achievement and a goal that anyone would want. I would love to break that mold.”

“She is a reality star. We don’t do reality stars,” a Chamber of Commerce rep responded. “She needs to get a real acting job then come to us.” Ohhhhh, how it burns. Also, for the record, people, stop taking pictures of those goddamn stars. What is the POINT of that, even? Are you really going to look back through your photo albums when you’re 95 and be like, “Oh, this is that time I saw Andie MacDowell‘s name written down on the sidewalk! Seeing Andie MacDowell’s name written down on the sidewalk changed my life forever. Meeeeem’ries!” It’s a weird impulse, is all. [Radar]

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And here is a list of people who have managed to get a Walk of Fame star, despite not even being fucking real. [Wikipedia]

Fortunately for everyone involved, Giuliana Rancic and Bill Rancic are totally into their new baby:

“It’s true what they say (and what u all told us) . . . Bill Rancic and I couldn’t love little Duke anymore than we do,” Giuliana wrote, using her son’s middlename. “He’s a dream . . .”

OK PHEW. [Us]

Comedian (and human pile of treasure) Tig Notaro talks about what led her to reveal that she has cancer during a recent L.A. stand-up set:

“I had done This American Life back in May, and [host] Ira [Glass] called me a couple of days after, saying that segment was very popular and he wanted me back on the show immediately, and I was like, ‘Sure, I’ll work on something.’ So I wrote up, like, 10 pages of what had been going on, and I met with him about it, and he looked at me and said, ‘This is so depressing.’ And I said, ‘I know, this is my life! I don’t know what to do!’… There were no jokes in the 10 pages I showed him. It was just a list of horrible things that had happened. So I just started writing like crazy, and the day before the [Largo] show I had another doctor’s appointment, and that’s when the doctor told me it was stage 2 and it was an invasive cancer that had spread to my lymph nodes. So I was devastated all over again. And right then I got a text from [Mark] Flanagan, the owner of Largo, saying, ‘Are you gonna do the show?’ And I just wrote, ‘Yeah.’ But I was [thinking], ‘What am I doing?'”

A recording of Notaro’s now legendary set will air on This American Life some time in the coming months. I love her so much. [EW]

Have you seen Adriana Lima‘s dog? Because it’s missing.

“My dog, Ivy, disappeared in Miami two days ago. Ivy means so much to me and my family. Please watch…” Lima wrote with a link to her Facebook page and a “Lost” poster of the precious pooch.

“Please help me find my beloved Ivy…. I am in tears…..” she tweeted again shortly thereafter, clearly distraught.

Lima and Ivy have been BFFs for seven years. Ivy was staying with friends in New York when she sneaked out of an open door and disappeared into the night. Here’s hoping that Ivy returns safe and sound—or, at the very least, survives on pilfered sausages and street-smarts until she brings down an organized crime kingpin and finds a new family. [E!] [OLIVER & COMPANY REFERENCE]

Chris Lighty‘s death has been ruled a suicide. [E!]
Someone took a picture of Tori Spelling‘s baby’s finger and called it news. [E!]
Here’s ~~a monster~~ a human woman without makeup. [Us]
Kristen Stewart‘s parents are getting divorced. [TMZ]
E! has identified the “Top Five Bikini Babes of the Season.” What a bunch of quitters, stopping at five. When will someone get around to ranking ALL WOMEN ON EARTH from best to worst? Maxim? Can you hear me? (I’m going to be so embarrassed if I don’t make the top 700k.) [E!]
MTV reveals that the reason they decided to cancel Jersey Shore is because they want to go out “on top.” On top of…what, exactly? Put your suggestions in the comments and let’s all have a good chorkle! [EW]
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are currently wandering around Venice being attractive and getting shit on by pigeons. Fun fact: I went to Venice in 7th grade and got bedbugs. [People]
Here’s Kate Middleton being happy about Paralympic swimmers. [E!]
Starsky from Starsky and Hutch got arrested for marijuana-pot. [E!]
And finally, happy weekend. I got you this. [England]