Howard Shultz Is Not Running for President But He Absolutely Would Have Won, I Just Know It

Cry time for Howard, an inspiring and charismatic billionaire who I absolutely would have voted for!

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Howard Shultz will not run for president—and I’m devastated, emotionally. John Delaney, please stay strong for me! [NBC News]
• Seems weird! [Politico]
• This is kind of like the people who follow Phish on tour except for dedicated racists? [Wall Street Journal]
• The Department of Homeland Security will begin asking about social media accounts on immigrant benefit and travel requests. [CNN]
• Nearly 7,000 people are listed as missing in the Bahamas in the wake of Hurricane Dorian. [NBC News]
• I can only imagine Joe Biden was saying this while winking really dramatically:

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.