Incredibly Expensive Fake Internet Girlfriend Service Might Actually Work

By Madeleine Davies | February 19, 2013 | 4:55pm

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Remember that guy you knew in middle school who told everyone that he had a girlfriend who lived up in Canada? He told you about how he met her while he was vacationing at Niagara Falls with his grandparents and she totally puts out — not like the stuck-up girls at this school — but you all laughed and said she was fake? Ha! The joke’s on you because that guy’s back and wants you to know that she’s totally real and that they’ve reconnected. Beep beep. That’s a text from her now and definitely not a fake cell phone noise that he made with his mouth.

Still have doubts? Well, check out her awesome Facebook page which proves that she’s definitely a real foxy babe and definitely not a made-up woman that he paid Fake Internet Girlfriend — a website that creates fake internet girlfriends — $750 to invent. No, you can’t meet her. She’s very private/wants to spend all of their time together doing, like, super crazy sex stuff.

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Back in December, Katie wrote about website GirlfriendHire where you could buy and sell PG online girlfriend services like text messages and Facebook wall posts for the low price of $5. Turns out, that service is for babies and $5 is chump change. The site that all of the classy grownups are using to buy fake girlfriends these days is Fake Internet Girlfriend, a service site that, for the cost of $250 a month, will set up a fake Facebook account of a woman for you to be “In a relationship with.” The cost also includes two public phone calls (“to your secretary to leave you a message”) or voicemails to you (from what I can tell, you and your fake girlfriend never speak) and up to 10 text messages with predetermined arrival times.

But why would a man want a fake girlfriend? With GirlfriendHire, the draw was to make you seem more desirable to other teenage girls, but Fake Internet Girlfriend, being a grown-up site for grown-ups, has more adult and depressing reasons. Like maybe you’re gay and don’t want anyone to know:

Sometimes people want to keep certain aspects of their personal life, well personal and private. The one way to do this is to hire a fake internet girlfriend for appearances sake. It avoids all the pesky little questions about why you’ve never been seen dating a girl before.

Or maybe your boss hates single people:

Sometimes people need to rent a fake girlfriend for their job. Some employers are biased towards single folks. Often times employers give preference to people in more serious relationships so it can benefit a person to have a fake online girlfriend they can say they are in a long distance relationship with.

But don’t think that means that Fake Internet Girlfriend will rent you a flesh and blood woman to take home to mom and dad or out to play golf with the boss. It is not an escort service and, while they guarantee that there are real women writing the dialogue for your fake girlfriend, their word (and this job listing) is the only proof you have that you’re not actually texting with a guy from their IT department.

Renting a Fake Internet Girlfriend is expensive. As previously mentioned, the monthly cost is $250, but signing up requires a three month commitment, rounding you up to $750. Still, the company, which is female-owned and operated, offers up this little bit of throw-away misogyny to convince you that the price is worth it:

Truth is, it would cost you way more than $250 a month if you had a real girlfriend. Only we don’t come with all the drama. Well unless you want that. We can always throw in a fake fight or two if that is what makes you happy.

Yes, interacting with a real person IRL will involve more drama than sparingly interacting with a fake person who you’ve created to perfectly fit your needs or personality. Though if Spike’s interactions with Robot Buffy have taught me anything, this sort of relationship ends up being less than fulfilling.

(Oh, and not to play into stereotypes or anything, but Fake Internet Girlfriend does offer a specialized Gamer Girl package where, for an extra $100 a month, your fictitious lover will become involved in your World of Warcraft, Everquest II or Evony community. Cool!)

In the end, if people want to pay hundreds of dollars for a fake internet girlfriend, there’s no reason that they shouldn’t be allowed to. While it’s a little weird and sad, it’s also relatively harmless. As a point of contention, however, wouldn’t the embarrassment of being caught with a fake online girlfriend — an illusion for which you paid quite a bit of money — be far worse than the embarrassment of just being single? If the answer is no, I’d like to offer up my services at a discounted rate: $100 a month and a fully punched Subway sandwich card.

Should You Buy a Facebook Girlfriend? [The Atlantic]