Jesus Definitely Took the Wheel in Katherine Schwarzenegger and Chris Pratt's Whirlwind Romance

By Julianne Escobedo Shepherd  |  January 15, 2019 | 3:12pm
CelebritiesDirt Bag

“When the two crossed paths last spring,” writes E! Online’s Sara Grossbart in her epic recounting of Katherine Schwarzenegger and Chris Pratt’s romance, “they were content to let Jesus take the wheel so to speak.”

I really could not have said it better myself! Since this rugged velociraptor trainer and devoted animal rescue advocate have found the love they were meant to have, simply fucking everyone has been wondering how they linked, and also how they went from publicly dating in June 2018 to cohabitating in January 2019 to engaged just two days later.

If it were your friends, you might be like, Are you having a thing? But it’s Chris and Kath, who were introduced via her mother Maria Shriver, who knew Chris via church, whose church seems to be Hillsong, the chill Christian hotspot with sexy pastors where the extremely married Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin also went for dates. Hot new celeb trend: urgent godly marriages? I don’t know, but during the year I lived in Springfield, Missouri in the late ’90s (a story for another time), I knew several Christian 21-year-olds who got married so they could have sex, and then divorced when they realized they only got married so they could have sex. My marriage advice to Chris and Katherine: Go ahead and do it! But anyway, to reiterate, one thing they’ve bonded on is their religious faith, if you did not know:

As for the weekends, those are reserved for prayer. “They go to church together and spend time with Maria,” notes the insider, “and it’s something they really enjoy doing together and connect on.”
Their post-bible study tête-à-têtes give Shriver a chance to revel in a job well done. “Maria is very excited for Katherine,” a source told E! News. “They think Chris is an amazing guy and a great catch. They are really perfect together and have similar goals and values.”

Also, he asked her parents for permission, which tracks!

[E! Online]

A sneaky restaurant patron secretly snapped pics of Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez having dinner in Seattle last APRIL, leading to further speculation that they were having an affair and that Mackenzie Bezos is going to drive away from this marriage with a zatrillion dollars in the whip. Here the grody scene, via a Page Six source:

“When Lauren sat down, it was clear they already knew each other and they had chemistry. There was a lot of giggling, close body language, and they seemed very into each other. All of her body language seemed to scream, ‘Come here, baby!’ Nobody knew who she was at the time. She was wearing a skintight dress and full glam makeup.” Over the course of the meeting, “Jeff seemed a little reserved at first, and then he became more and more relaxed as the Champagne flowed. He had this smirk on his face, like a teenager who couldn’t believe his luck.”

That, too, tracks!

[Page Six]

Ariana Grande as a hardcore gamer is perhaps something you might not have pegged (WHO HAS THE TIME?). Ariana Grande as a Pokemon gamer who played Pokémon Let’s Go Eevee “for fifteen hours” on a Saturday—well, if I had Ari’s schedule I’d probably want to zone out on my day off, too. But the question is…

…would you also tat Eevee in a rather large rendition on your left arm? Because that’s what this bish did.

It’s entirely too twee for my tat tastes but you know what? It’s so Ariana Grande. WHERE THE ALBUM THO?