Jezebel’s 2024 Celebrity Predictions

Will Kristen Bell and Dax Sheppard get divorced? Will Ariana Madix win a Tony? Join us as we place our bets on what will happen this year.

Jezebel’s 2024 Celebrity Predictions
Illustration:Shutterstock/Getty Images

The liminal space that is the week between Christmas and New Year’s is often used as a time of reflection. Some are introspectively examining their accomplishments and challenges in the preceding year; others are formulating plans to become their best selves next year that they will inevitably abandon by February 15; yet more are posting their favorite movies and books of 2023 to give us something to engage in half-hearted discourse about (looking at you, Obama).

Here at Jezebel, we prefer to look outward—at those who steward our culture from their Calabasas mansions and film festival appearances. We’ve looked back on our favorite Beefs of the year, so now we’re looking forward to 2024. Here’s what we expect to happen in the realm of the beautiful, rich, famous, and messy next year.

  • Charles Melton is nominated for Best Supporting Actor Oscar; graciously loses; becomes internet’s obsession for five days due to being adorable on the red carpet.
  • A bunch of celebrities that people suspected of using Ozempic openly cop to it, and at least one becomes a brand ambassador by the end of the year.
  • Florence Pugh dates a woman; says “the hair didn’t give it away?” in first interview after the news breaks.
  • Kristen Bell/Dax Sheppard divorce
  • Ariana Madix wins a Tony for her run as Roxie in Chicago.
  • Chris Pratt agrees to let a company use his AI likeness in a commercial. It sparks industry mayhem, but he doesn’t understand why and puts out a statement saying he will persevere through the criticism because he has the Lord on his side.
  • Kylie Jenner/Timothee Chalamet wedding we learn about only through North West’s TikTok (or Landon Barker’s Snapchat).
  • News that Eric Adams is polyamorous (though we’ll settle for “rumors”).
  • Jared Leto sends a holograph of himself to the Met Gala. It malfunctions.
  • A right-winger goes on a misogynistic, fatphobic tirade about the new season of Bridgerton, so everyone else feels like they have to defend it, even though it’s bad.
  • Jacob Elordi canceled for something relatively harmless.
  • Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis write competing tell-all memoirs.
  • Taylor Swift releases a cryptocurrency.
  • Bella Hadid wears skinny jeans a couple of times, and prompts dozens of breathless headlines about how skinny jeans are “back.”
  • George Santos gets a DUI.
  • Kim Kardashian dates a politician.
  • Aaron Rodgers’ gets experimental treatment for his Achilles and it goes horribly wrong.
  • Pete Davidson is accused of queerbaiting, sparking multi-day social media discourse, which ends with Davidson partnering with GLAAD.
  • J.Lo and Ben Affleck make another movie together. It’s weird, but performs reasonably well at the box office.
  • Elon Musk goes on a prolonged rant defending bestiality.
  • An A-List celeb tries to un-cancel Harvey Weinstein.
  • Lana Del Rey dates a former IDF officer.
  • Noah Centineo and Emily Ratajkowski start a feminist book club.
  • Matty Healy and Joe Rogan kiss.
  • Ariana Grande/Ethan Slater engagement announcement lines up with Wicked movie promo.
  • Related: Ariana’s new album is called Pineapple.

We’ll be checking back on this list throughout the year—primarily to brag when one of these comes true. In the meantime, we know our readers are just as eagle-eyed as we are, so please leave your own predictions below (and feel free to use this post as a reference when you’re proven correct in the year to come).

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