Reading! It wasn’t easy, but also, if the blog hit right, it was. Here’s the vast range of topics you all read over this long, dreadful year, from the comings and goings of America’s worst couple to the scourge of the master bedroom. Blessedly, the blog about what to eat to make your vagina taste good, which surfaces almost every year like herpes, did not make the cut this year! Pandemic-related, maybe, because no one’s really getting new sex, or maybe we’ve evolved beyond that. You read some blogs, we wrote some, and here they are.
1. America’s Worst Couple Is Maybe Breaking Up
Every couple in America has the potential to be America’s worst couple at any given point in time, but Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton’s amour is sickening in a way that ensures they will hold fast to this crown for some time. They aren’t breaking up just yet—in fact, they’re engaged!—but who knows what wonders 2021 might bring!
2. I’m Doing Fine! I Swear to God, I’m Doing Fine
Jezebel’s very own medium to the stars, Joan Summers, channeled Kris Jenner’s innermost thoughts in honor of the news of KUWTK’s end and found beauty and humor in the madness within.
3. It Looks Like Taylor Swift Was Telling the Truth About Kanye West the Whole Time
Four years after the Kanye-Taylor-snake emoji kerfuffle, the truth about what Kanye either did or did not do is finally out, and in a fun twist, Taylor Swift wasn’t lying!
4. I’m Deeply Concerned About Simone Biles’s Monstrously Large New Swimming Pool
Simone Biles is a capable athlete who can do what she wants with her money, but we at Jezebel are only concerned about the size of this swimming pool, which is quite large for a woman who just clears four feet.
5. How
Season 4 of The Crown picked at the House of Windsor’s scandals and in doing so, neatly unraveled the years of careful reputation reconstruction in one fell swoop.
6. Why Do HGTV and ABC Keep Letting This Man Renovate People into Foreclosure?
Ty Pennington’s rule on the home renovation front continued apace with a new show, Ty Breaker, but before anyone gets excited about that, it’s important to remember that all the houses he’s touched in his past often throw the new homeowners into crippling financial debt and turmoil.
7. Help, I Think I’m in Love With Andrew Cuomo???
The early days of the pandemic were hard on everyone and so no judgment should be cast upon those of us who sought comfort wherever we could find it.
8. American Master Bedrooms Should Just Split Up Already
There’s absolutely no shame—and nothing wrong with your relationship—if you and your partner decide to sleep in separate beds because it is more comfortable to do so!
9. Fox News Dude Melts Down Over Trump Military Story Reported and Verified by His Own Network
I’d say that we’ll miss the motley crew of lunatics that have come to power since Trump was elected president, but one of the nastier side effects of Trump’s time in office is that these people will be around for longer than anyone would care to think about.
10. University of Kentucky Cheerleaders Say They Were Told Not to Wear Underwear in Hazing Ritual
Hazing is bad, underwear is good, and honestly, an organizing body needs to completely reassess and overhaul college sports so that we don’t have to run headlines like this.
11. Shockingly, the Four White Women Who Named Themselves the “Conservative Squad” Have Run Into Some Problems
What does it say about this year that even the limpest, most uninspired rebrand like this one was managed to get three of the four women in question in office?
12. Details in Child Sex Complaint Against Rapper 6ix9ine Contradict His Public Comments
In 2020, Tekashi was released from jail and also had a song go to number 1 on the Hot 100. Perhaps his temporary resurfacing in the public eye caused some to investigate why it is he disappeared in the first place.
13. Fans Think Demi Lovato Might Break Up With Her Fiancé for Being Obsessed With Selena Gomez
We will never truly know what transpired between Demi Lovato and her ex-fiancé, Max Ehrich, but I’d say that maybe, just maybe, his passion for Selena Gomez had something to do with it.
14. Goodbye to Pete Davidson’s Epic Tattoo Collection
Pete Davidson’s body is hot (to some), and its hotness (to some) is heavily dependent on the veil of tattoos that covers his lanky frame. Those tattoos are going to be removed. Tragedy!
15. Turns Out, Hillsong Megachurch Has Allegedly Been Full of “Inappropriate Sexual Relationships” For Years!
Who would’ve thunk that the big church for famous people that love the Lord is simply rife with inappropriate sexual misdeeds?
16. Cardi B Is Facing a Defamation Lawsuit for Getting Into It With “Racist MAGA Supporters” On the Beach
Regardless of where you stand on Cardi B., you gotta hand it to her for being unafraid of speaking out!
17. Looks Like Aunt Becky’s Daughters Were Involved in the College Admissions Scandal After All
The slow drip-drop of information about the college admissions scandal that found Aunt Becky and Felicity Huffman briefly doing time was the gift that kept on giving. Obviously the daughters had something to do with it!
18. The 10 Grossest Sex Acts as Described by Urban Dictionary
This shows up almost every year, but it’s nice that it’s at the bottom of this list, and not lingering up near the top. Perhaps no one had the brain space this year to figure out what a Kennebunkport Surprise is.
19. Hope Hicks Is Reportedly Very Bad at Her Job
President Trump’s shiny brunette has a job in the administration, sure, but no one really knows what it is…
20. My Dark Journey Into the Soul of a Model Young Republican Candidate
Take a rollicking journey into the true heart of darkness with this clear-eyed look at the nauseating rise of Madison Cawthorn.