Hey! Hey, guys! Hey, remember me? I’m Ke$ha! I have a dollar sign in my name! I wake up in the morning in a pile of garbage and my hands smell like buttcrack. I don’t give a fuck. Ha ha! No fucks at all are given. I shit glitter and use Barbie doll heads as tampons and every morning I wake up and wash my mouth out with everclear and I dress my wounds with rancid Play Doh. That’s me! I’m Ke$ha! I’m famous! I’m a cannibal. I have never bathed! Isn’t that shocking? Are you shocked?
Wait! Why are you walking away from me! I have so many other weird things that I can do. Uh, I like to French kiss homeless guys on the street and my boyfriend is an enema kit with craft eyes that I hotglued on him and I can do a headstand on this pile of used hypodermic needles and would you like some of these cookies that I baked for you using only the heat of my crotch!?
Look at me! Look at me! I’m dangerous! I do so many crazy things while singing bland things that get played on the radio. I’m not boring! Oh god, I’m not boring! Your love is my drug and my drug is meth ergo you are meth! Let’s do some meth! I’m going to go home and eat my teddy bear and then sleep in some garbage!
Oh, no. You’re walking away. You’re bored of me. This simply won’t do. I’m going to drink blood! I’ll do it! Real blood onstage in Australia! Real blood from a real heart! Shut up! It’s real, okay? I’m totally extreme! You should never forget about me! I practice hammer dentistry in my basement for fun and I vomited up a bunch of cassette tapes and in my spare time I like to curl up in an empty milk jug and squash bird eggs between my knees! I’m totally bizarre and out there and have you ever seen anything so nutty!??
Did you hear about the Ke$ha!? IT’S ME.
Ke$ha Drinks Blood [Buzzfeed]
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Still here. Still without airbrushing. Still with teeth.
