Lady Gaga Releases Biblical Dance Track In Time For Easter

“Jesus is my virtue, and Judas is the demon I cling to,” Gaga sings in her new track, “Judas.” The Madonna enthusiast is in her “Like A Prayer” phase, guys! Although: There are moments when it kind of sounds like she’s saying “Jew, ah, ah.” So maybe you can play the tune at Seder while looking for the Afikoman. In any case, as you may know, Judas was the dude who betrayed Jesus for cash. And Gaga gets all New Testament on us, hollering:

When he comes to me, I am ready / I’ll wash his feet with my hair if he needs / Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain / Even after three times, he betrays me / I’ll bring him down, a king with no crown.

Now, at the Last Supper, Jesus washed his disciples’ feet. And legend has it that Judas betrayed Jesus. So when Gaga sings:

I’m just a Holy Fool, oh baby he’s so cruel, but I’m still in love with Judas, baby.

…Is she singing as Jesus Christ? Or is she just a girl trying to be good (Jesus-like) but in love with partying, whiskey and latex (Judas-like)? It’s confusing!
Here’s a hint:

In the most Biblical sense / I am beyond repentance / Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind / But in the cultural sense / I just speak in future tense / Judas kiss me if offenced / Or wear an ear condom next time.

LOLWUT. No comprendo. But considering she went to Sacred Heart high school and loves wearing nun habits, it most likely makes perfect sense to her. Me, I’m not so sure, but you know what they say: Life is a mystery. Everyone must stand alone.