Let Pizza Become Your Own Personal Oracle


During those times when we find ourselves at a crossroads and cannot solve one of life’s quandaries by our lonesome, it’s typical to call on the guidance of outside forces. After hours of tormenting other humans with our pressing dilemmas, some of us may still not be satisfied. The next step is to seek advice from beyond this earthly realm. You could pull out a Magic 8 Ball, dust off your old Ouija board, call up your tarot-reading friend (most likely you have at least three), or just leave it up to chance and toss a coin. But what if there was another way that was more delicious?

We live in a time where pizza has become not just a popular food, but a celebrity in its own right. Pizza rescues people from danger, schools us on feminism and inspired Macauley Culkin to start a band. It makes total sense that the next step in pizza’s reign would be for us to forgo the expertise of a professional therapist and allow a glorious, cheesy pie to dictate our decisions. The Cut found this perfect oracle for Generation Snackwave on a website called Free Art and Technology Lab. This is truly one mystic pizza.

The directions are as follows:

1. Log on to your favorite delivery site to order a pizza with whatever topping you wish. In the special instructions section, type “arrange the pepperoni/topping in a ‘Y,’ ‘M,’ or ‘N’ shape.”

2. When it arrives, tip bringer of pizza generously. Loudly chant your question and slowly open the box.

3. There you will “find enlightenment.”

Even if the psychic pizza turns out to give you shitty advice, at least you can eat it afterwards. It’s cheaper than a tarot reading, anyway.

Image via Getty.

Contact the author at [email protected].

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