New Dracula Seems Every Bit as Horny as Old Dracula

Dracula is a novel about two things: English fear of foreigners and blood transfusions as a metaphor for gang bangs. Unfortunately, most film interpretations of the novel either focus on one without the other or leave both out entirely. So it is with tentative excitement that I report that a new trailer for the latest BBC adaptation appears to have both.

The three-part miniseries comes from Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss, the pair responsible for making me wish Sherlock and Moriarty would just bone already. And from the looks of the trailer, their Dracula will also leave me shipping some unexpected pairings, such as Vlad the Impaler and Jonathan Harker. In the trailer, a young, nubile Harker throbs while remaining repulsed by his Eastern European client, who sexily whispers, “Try and stay calm. You’re doing very well.” Sexy horror inspired by foreigners who want to kill and fuck in no particular order is the thesis of Bram Stoker’s Dracula ,and it’s nice to see those Gothic elements being put to good use in the series.

Not featured in the book but present in the trailer are some militarized nuns wielding wooden stakes like swords. And because Dracula is a book in which men sit around inserting their blood into sleeping women while lamenting how silly and useless women are, I am very much looking forward to the addition of women characters with a bit of agency. If Mina and Lucy finally get to throw off the shroud of the male gaze and go at it, Dracula is officially my new favorite television program.

Dracula will air at Christmastime in the U.K., but Netflix has yet to announce when it will run the miniseries.