Ryan Lochte Is Getting a Ryan Lochte Reality Show About What Ryan Lochte Would Do

By Lindy West  |  January 8, 2013 | 1:00am
CelebritiesDirt Bag

Now this is happening. It’s happening. It’s time. It’s now. It’s coming. E! has confirmed that they’re ordering six episodes of What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, a reality series chronicling all of the different kinds of things that Ryan Lochte would do. (Spoiler: 43 of the 44 things Ryan Lochte would do involve boners.)

Titled What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, the six-episode series from Intuitive Entertainment will feature the “vivescent” Lochte, Kolb said, adding that E! brass wondered “How deep is the pool of Ryan Lochte? It turns out, very deep.” From The episodes will feature the swimmer partying and training as he prepares for the 2016 Rio Olympics while building his fashion line, making media appearances, dealing with his close-knit and outspoken family and friends and looking for the right girl.

Leave your best guesses as to what Ryan Lochte would do in the comments. [Deadline]

If stalkers weren’t so fucking terrifying as all get-out (and, clearly, pained and tortured souls themselves), I would totally lol at this dude’s moxie. An unhinged fan/recent parolee showed up at Laurence Fishburne‘s house and tried to evict him with a handwritten note. He was unsuccessful.

Laurence Fishburne has just obtained a restraining order against a man who showed up on his doorstep on New Year’s Day and demanded that the actor move out of his house.
Anthony Francis allegedly told Fishburne he owned the house and the Fishburnes were there illegally. Laurence may have reason to worry. According to the legal docs, cops told Fishburne Francis was released from prison on XMAS day after serving time for cyber-stalking and making criminal threats.
LAPD cops told Fishburne they got a call 2 weeks back from Francis, claiming he owned the actor’s pad.
According to docs, Francis left a letter at Fishburne’s home last week, which said in part, “You are to leave this house immediately. This means all tenants are to evacuate ASAP.”

You can read the full letter here. Obviously I’m horrified out of my skin at the whole thing, but I do enjoy the fact that Mr. Francis’s Fishburne-obsessed mania turned him into not a ninja or a king, but an extremely cordial and enterprising apartment manager. So practical. [TMZ]

Much to the delight of no one, HuffPo compiled a list of celebrities who have “over-shared.” For instance, Zoe Saldana likes missionary and also all other positions. And Nick Cannon likes to emancipate his mimi to the Emancipation of Mimi:

Cannon admits that he makes love to Mariah Carey while listening to her music, adding that he will masturbate to her tunes “when she’s not there.” “Sometimes there’s special nights when you turn the music on and sometimes it’s morning, you roll over and get it poppin’!”

I…okay. [HuffPo]

  • Here are Dakota and Elle Fanning wearing tiny dresses in 19-degree weather. [E!]
  • Here is Rosario Dawson “flaunting her beautiful body in Barbados.” Lindsay, tell your brother he has a beautiful body!!! [E!]
  • Here’s Amber Rose wearing a dress! [Us]
  • Hello, I am a real doctor and I prescribed you this headline to fix your insomnia: “Justin Bartha is dating his personal trainer.” [People]
  • KHLOE KARDASHIAN IS SELLING HER STINKY USED SPORTS BRA ON EBAY YOU GUYS. A finer metaphor for the Kardashian empire could ne’er be crafted by man nor god. [Radar]
  • Supernatural‘s Jensen Ackles is going to have a baby. (Congratulations! It’s a gif!) [People]
  • Taylor Swift and Harry Styles got into a heated quarrel about who’s the Mary and who’s the Rhoda. [Vulture]
  • David Letterman says he sees a psychiatrist once a week to try and stop being such a dick:
  • “For a long time I thought I was a decent guy,” Letterman said. “But yet, thinking I was a decent guy, I was still capable of behavior that wasn’t coincidental to leading a decent life. That’s what I’m working on. I want to really be the person I believe that I was. I wanna be a good person.”
  • That’s very sweet and earnest, Dave. Best of luck. [HuffPo]
  • Now watch this Aaron Carter video because I said so. Good night.

 
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