The Capitalist, Climate-Destroying Avengers Just Assembled

Jeff Bezos, Lauren Sanchez, Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom, and Leo DiCaprio recently hung out and it looked...weird.

By Audra Heinrichs  |  August 13, 2024 | 3:06pm
Photos: Getty Images Celebrities
The Capitalist, Climate-Destroying Avengers Just Assembled

Over the weekend, a summit of celebrity capitalists and climate destroyers convened in the first place you’d expect them to convene: aboard Jeff Bezos’ $485 million super yacht. The billionaire and his fiancé, Lauren Sanchez (aka Alive Girl), were joined by Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom, Leonardo DiCaprio, and his girlfriend, Vittoria Ceretti, in Sardinia for lunch at a beach resort before re-boarding the cruise ship-adjacent vessel, Koru…you know, the one that bears a bow sculpture that resembles Sanchez.

According to Page Six, Bezos and Sanchez have been living on Koru since June, when they began their summer in Greece with Kim Kardashian. Considering it’s outfitted with helicopters, speed boats, and other “water toys,” why not? You’d certainly never be bored…that is unless you’re so spiritually poor that all of life’s luxuries have become boring and everything and everyone is disposable. Anyway! Back to their friends.


Sources told the tabloid that it’s not uncommon for these people to vacation together. In the case of Bezos and DiCaprio, they’ve reportedly found “common ground in the fight against climate change and their work in environmental activism.” I quite literally laughed out loud as I typed that. No one with even half a brain cell would confuse two obscenely wealthy men who treat private planes and super yachts as if they’re taxis with environmental activists, but sure! Let’s all play along.

Now, as someone who’s spent an embarrassing amount of time analyzing these photos, I have to ask: What do these people actually talk about? Escalating climate change? The new RHONY trailer? The It Ends With Us behind-the-scenes drama? Or, was this simply a strategy session for how to salvage Perry’s career? Sadly, if we’re to judge from the photos alone, it appears like they don’t converse much at all. In fact, it looks terribly awkward. And given how low DiCaprio’s hat is pulled down, I almost wonder if he even realizes he’s not in the company of his usual gaggle of under-25 girlies…

Oh, well. I guess that’s what all the water toys are for.

 
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