The ‘Greatest Love Story Never Told’…Shouldn’t Have Been?

If you’re not careful, Jennifer Lopez might have you believe that her decades-spanning devotion to Ben Affleck is, well, in her words: The Greatest Love Story Never Told. So all-encompassing is their romance that the pop star and actress made a film and a companion album, as well as a documentary chronicling the creation of both–the former two of which made their debut today. Well, the reviews are in and the majority of them are unanimous in their assessment: this is one love story that probably should’ve remained untold.

In case the J.Lo discourse has blessedly missed you for the last week or so, her album and self-financed film (This Is Me…Now: A Love Story) chart her many romantic foibles right up until her reunion with Affleck. The movie sees the star on her quest for true love guided by Jane Fonda and a random smattering of celebrities (Keke Palmer, Sofia Vergara, Post Malone, Neil deGrasse Tyson, etc.) Of course, Affleck also appears. In a Variety cover story published this week, Lopez admitted she sunk $20 million of her own money into This Is Me…Now: A Love Story and that apparently, Khloe Kardashian was too scared to make a cameo. A Kardashian turning down an easy check? Sounds…big.

So, let’s take in some of these reviews, shall we? The Guardian gave the film two stars and called it a “bombastic ode to love and herself” while Empire said it was “a frequently insane fantasy trip.” And that’s not even the worst of it. A critic from The Standard simply asked: “What the hell did I just watch?” As for the album, Page Six wrote: “To put it bluntly, it’s as watery as the iced coffee Affleck picks up from Dunkin’ every morning.” When Page Six likens your art to a fast food chain’s coffee…well, it’s dismal. Mysteriously, the film currently has a 94% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes…

Meanwhile, Lopez doesn’t seem at all bothered by any bad reviews. Instead, she’s embarked on a press tour that includes silly games where she admits she may or may not have some jealousy issues. “Don’t play with me. Do not play with me,” Lopez warned any woman who might deign to flirt with Affleck in her vicinity. Trust us, we won’t!

• An update on the Hot Ones breakup: Melissa Stratton says she has “a better bald man to get spicy with” on her Instagram story. [Page Six]
• Nicola Peltz is very offended that people think she doesn’t work. [Daily Mail]
• Sorry Usher, Chilli has moved on! [TMZ] 
• Shoutout to Bow Wow for overcoming an addiction to lean aka promethazine and codeine cough syrup mixed with soda. After suffering from covid for the last week, I fear I’ll need to get the details for the rehabilitation center he attended. [Entertainment Tonight]
• Zendaya, the icon that you are. [Vogue]