I just got back from a two-week vacation during which the only news story I read was about the dude who vaped and almost died, which made me stress-vape an entire Juul pod. What’d I miss???
Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:
- Senator Kirsten Gillibrand has dropped out of the presidential race, after failing to qualify for next month’s debate. Who’s next? John Delaney, you can do it! [New York Times]
- A redundant phrase from an unfortunately not-redundant, incredibly racist and bad man:
- As a massive storm is about to slam into the Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico and is predicted to then hit Florida, the Trump administration announced it plans on diverting millions meant for hurricane relief to detain even more immigrants. [Wall Street Journal]
- Trump wants to build his wall so badly that he’s told aides he would pardon them if they have to break the law to get it built. [Washington Post]
- We found Trump’s tax returns and they’re with Deutsche Bank! [New York Post]
- The Sackler family, the owners of Purdue Pharma, may be forced to give up their ownership of the company as well as pay billions of dollars in a settlement meant to resolve a series of lawsuits over their outsized role in fueling the opioid epidemic. [New York Times]
- Please, for the love of all that is holy and good, let this be true. [Washington Post]
- Joe Biden says he is the reason that institutional racism exists (kind of). [Associated Press]
- The Georgia Republican Senator Johnny Isakson is retiring at the end of this year, meaning both Senate seats in the state will be up for grabs in 2020. [CNN]
- Queen Elizabeth, wyd?? [The Guardian]
Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:
This has been Barf Bag.