There Are 5 Good Birds—But Which 5?
The Experts
Graphic: Elena Scotti (Photos: Getty Images, Shutterstock)
In this edition of “Sounds Right to Me,” Emily and Megan compare notes on what the best birds are.
Megan: I am historically not very fond of many animals and have a very small and specific list of the animals that I can tolerate. Birds really aren’t on this list! Their darting movements make me nervous and I don’t love that they can fly and I can’t. Most of them have sharp little beaks and beady eyes, and I am fairly certain that they would kill me if only given the chance. However, there are a few birds that I find to be acceptable, if only because I believe that I could train them to do my bidding.
Emily: Once again, we arrive at the same conclusion from opposite sides—Despite enjoying nearly every animal on Earth more than the company of pretty much any human alive, I believe that birds are untrainable miniaturized dinosaurs with razor toes and murderous hearts. When I was eight years old a pack of roving Canada geese attacked me in Branson, Missouri, for a piece of bread I was holding, and I can still feel their nightmarish black beaks, blunt but aggressive, bruising the insides of my arms as I futilely flailed, desperate and unsuccessful against that thrashing wall of feathers. The few birds upon which I do not actively wish extinction seem kind, generous, and unlikely to ambush a child for less than a gram of carbohydrates.
Megan: The cassowary is an enormous, flightless bird that looks like it’s wearing a hat, and has probably done its fair share of nefarious deeds in its past. Normally, I would be scared of this bird, which looks like an ostrich and a turkey had a baby, but the foolish part of me believes we could be friends.
Emily: Counterpoint: This bird looks like a sexual predator from a Yeats poem.