This Madman Has Created Deep-Fried Spam Donuts and Must be Stopped

In Depth

Hey, what’s the worst ingredient combination of which you can possibly conceive that still technically technically counts as “food?” NOPE, DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF, DEEP-FRIED SPAM DONUTS ARE WORSE.

The above picture has not been doctored. There is a crazed spam gunman on the loose in Preston, Lancashire, Whimblybobbles, Bumpley-upon-Scunge, England.* In honor of Friday’s National Donut Day, a guy named John Clarkson has taken regular, non-tragic glazed donuts, cut them in half, slapped Spam in between them in humanity’s current closest approximation of a literal turd sandwich, then chucked them in a deep-fryer, because why not at that point? They’re essentially spam depth charges, only they’re capable of far more horrifying and widespread destruction than their merely traditionally-explosive counterparts.

Clarkson says he got the idea from the brain raccoons who tell him to burn things “out of nowhere,” and frankly, a mind that can come up with that really needs to be stopped before it falls into terrorist hands. That’s not even the funniest quote from the linked article, though — that honor goes to this gem:

“I am not even a fan of doughnuts to be honest.”

Yes, Mr. Clarkson, given what you’ve just done to them, we’re all well aware of that.

*It’s possible I may have made one or two of these up.

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