This Week In Tabloids: Brit's Back With Kevin and Lindsay Talks To Us

Us
This is either the best or worst mag of the week, depending on how much you care about Lindsay Lohan. The only notable story is an interview with Lindsay, in which she tells her side of her breakup with Samantha Ronson in excruciating detail. Basically, she says that the Ronson family conspired to ruin her relationship and the Charlotte Ronson party was a set up. A friend lured her there by saying Sam wanted to talk to her and when she got there Sam was crying the bathroom. Ronson’s mom started yelling at Lindsay, and the other party guests turned on Lindsay. “Nicole Richie walks by and goes, ‘Uck.’ and I don’t know what I’ve ever done to her,” she says. Linds says she didn’t write the updates on her Twitter. Someone at the party knew her password and hacked into her account. It seems the mag isn’t buying Lindsay’s story, as the article is peppered with contradicting quotes from anonymous sources. “Lindsay’s state has just devolved completely. She has no grip on reality and feels the world is against her,” says a friend. “She should be institutionalized at this point.”
Grade: D (Melted chocolate bunny)

In Touch
“Now It’s War” Brad put his foot down when Angelina suggested they adopt another child from Ethiopia, and now she’s furious. “She told Brad he had no right to tell her she can’t add to her family and that she will adopt again – with or without his permission,” says a friend. Angie pointed out that she adopted Maddox, Zahara, and Pax as a single mom, so she really doesn’t need Brad to adopt. Though a friend says, “if it comes down to choosing more kids or keeping Brad, then she’ll choose having more kids,” she doesn’t seem that into the six she has. “Angie gets flustered trying to do Zahara’s hair,” the friend says. “And she doesn’t always have the patience to do Shiloh’s hair either. She asks the girls to try and learn to do it themselves.” Next: “Are the Hills stars pressured to have surgery?” The mag speculates that in addition to Heidi Montag (who has admitted to going under the knife), Audrina Patridge, Lo Bosworth, Whitney Port, and Olivia Palermo may have had facial plastic surgery. (Fig. 3) Cameron Diaz has been fighting with boyfriend Paul Sculfor, and the mag claims it’s making her lose weight. “She’s been pining for Paul and lost her appetite,” explains a friend. Now that Paul is in England for work, “She doesn’t have him to cook for anymore.” Here’s a new theory from on why Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer broke up: he’s kind of gay. (Fig. 4) Katie Holmes “has decided to give [Tom Cruise] as many babies as he wants and not wait” because “she believes the most important thing in life is making your loved one’s dreams come true,” says a friend. In a recent interview Tom said he wants 10 kids so the mag figures Katie has seven babies to go. In “Ed’s Gone From Hunky To Chunky” we learn that Ed Westwick has put on an estimated 10 pounds. His Gossip Girl castmates have been making fun of him, costumers had to buy him bigger clothes, and they asked the producers to tell him “they don’t want Chuck to be fat.”
Grade: D+ (White stuff on your chocolate)

Star
“Caught in Bed” Britney Spears has been hooking up with Kevin Federline on tour. “It’s like they’re newlyweds all over again,” says a family insider. K-Fed’s girlfriend, Victoria Prince, “caught” them when she called Kevin’s cell phone at 2 a.m. and heard Britney giggling and talking in the background. Brit’s annoyed that Kev answered the phone so she’s been flirting with backup dancer Chase Benz to make him jealous. As for Kevin, he “now says Victoria is more a friend with benefits than a girlfriend. Since she caught him with Britney, he’s not even hiding their flings from her anymore,” says a source. In wedding news, the mag claims Seth Rogen is planning to propose to his girlfriend of four years, Lauren Miller this summer, while Anne Hathaway and boyfriend Adam Shulman may get married this fall. They’ve only been together since October, but they are planning to have a “trial marriage” (the mag’s term for living together) when they relocate to New York City this summer. There’s a room in J.Lo’s mansion devoted entirely to her expensive wigs. Levi Johnston’s sister, Mercede, talked to Star about the Palin family. “Levi tries to visit Tripp every single day, but Bristol makes it nearly impossible for him. She tells him he can’t take the baby to our house because she doesn’t want him around ‘white trash,'” she says. Blind item: “Which reality starlet can’t choose between her jealous boyfriend and her ex? Not only was her costar her first beau, but he was also her first lover! the fashionista is still obsessed.” Clive Owen says when he visited his daughter Hannah, 12, at school, she introduced him to her “half-boyfriend.” Clive complains, “She tells me, ‘Dad…I share him with a friend.’ I still feel awful thinking about it.” Next: Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have been fighting so they’ve turned to Scientologist marriage counseling. But, since Tom is an Operating Thetan, they’re only advising that Katie needs to change to please Tom, who outranks her. Moving on: A New Jersey businessman has filed divorce papers claiming that, Ann C. Kelly, his wife of 17 years, “committed adultery with one Bruce Springsteen …at various times and places too numerous to mention.” Kelly says they’re just friends but people in the area have said for years that they are having an affair. Finally, in the sidebar “Arms Disgrace” the mag writes: “Kudos to Khloe [Kardashian] for resisting Hollywood’s pressure to be pin thin …” then goes on to say she needs to get rid of her “saggy” upper arms. (Fig. 5)
Grade: C- (Stale Peeps)

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