Trump to Build White House Ballroom to Address National ‘Schlopping’ Emergency
Barf Bag: “They've always wanted to have it," per our Big Dumb president. Is this kind of like how, in his telling, the people yearned for the Supreme Court to overturn Roe v. Wade?
On Thursday, the White House announced that it’s taking steps to address our long national nightmare of party guests getting their shoes dirty. That’s right, the Trump administration said it will build a new 90,000-square-footballroom for state dinners and other events. Phew!
Construction on the 650-person capacity space will begin in September and will be finished “long before” the end of Donald Trump’s term in January 2029, per press propagandistsecretary Karoline Leavitt. The ballroom will be an addition to the East Wing of the White House.
Currently, the largest room on the property, the East Room, can only hold about 200 people. The White House said in a news release that it is “unable to host major functions honoring world leaders and other countries without having to install a large and unsightly tent approximately 100 yards away from the main building entrance.” Quelle horreur!
Leavitt added that unidentified donors would help cover the $200 million cost of the project, and given her boss’s history of taking money from businesses and foreign leaders trying to lobby the government, I think we have a right to know who those people are!
Later at a press availability, Trump expounded on why he believes all of this is necessary: because it sometimes rains on the days they have fancy parties. “When it rains, it’s a disaster. The tent’s 100 yards—that’s more than a football field—away from the main entrance. People are schlopping down to the tent,” he said, presumably mangling the word “schlepping.” He continued, “It’s not a pretty sight. The women with their lovely evening gowns, all of…their hair all done, and they’re a mess by the time they get in. They’ve always wanted to have it.”
Is this kind of like how, in Trump’s telling, the people yearned for the Supreme Court to overturn Roe v. Wade?
Trump on the need for a new White House ballroom: “People are schlopping to the tent. It’s not a pretty sight. The women with their lovely evening gowns, all of their hair all done, and they’re a mess by the time they get in. They’ve always wanted to have it.”
“They’ve wanted a ballroom at the White House for more than 150 years but there’s never been a president that was good at ballrooms,” Trump further told reporters. “I’m good at building things and we’re going to build quickly and on time. It’ll be beautiful, top, top of the line.” Yes, there’s never been a president that was good at ballrooms—many people are saying.
This change comes after Trump ordered the White House Rose Garden’s lawn to be ripped out and replaced with concrete and stone, a project that is nearly complete. In March, Trump explained he demanded this change because the grass gets wet. “You know, we use [the Rose Garden] for press conferences, and it doesn’t work because the people fall,” he told Fox News. “The terrain can be wet, and the soft ground can be an issue for some… Women, with the high heels, it just didn’t work.”
This week alone brought us news of the administration continuing to turn the president’s house into a gilded palace, a national museumremoving references to Trump’s (2) impeachments from an exhibit about impeachment, and the president himself firing the labor statistics chief after the agency revealed flagging jobs growth.
It’s giving mad king vibes—not great!
Welp, former Jeffrey Epstein lawyer and absolute creep Alan Dershowitz is suing a Martha’s Vineyard farmers market because a vendor wouldn’t sell him pierogies, a move he called “pure McCarthyism.”
Bigoted vendor @ Martha’s Vineyard Farmer’s Market refused to sell to me for political reasons. I’m suing. Watch the Dershow live @ 5:30pm est on Rumble and Youtube. Become part of the conversation.https://t.co/aChAMuitiT
The Justice Department moved imprisoned Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell to a minimum-security facility about a week after an interview with a Trump administration official who previously served as Trump’s personal lawyer. Nothing to see here! [New York Times]
Horrible Senate confirmation #1: Trump legal henchman and comic book villainEmil Bove as an appeals court judge, a lifetime job. [NBC News]
Horrible confirmation #2: Anti-abortion freakElliot Gaiser to a powerful DOJ office that provides legal advice to the president and the entire executive branch. [Bloomberg Law]
Horrible confirmation #3: Conspiracy theorist and twice-failed congressional candidate Joe Kent to lead the National Counterterrorism Center. [HuffPost]
The Department of Homeland Security says in order to recruit more Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents, it’s now offering signing bonuses of up to $50,000 and student loan forgiveness. [NBC Los Angeles]
Headline: “DOGE builds AI tool to cut 50 percent of federal regulations.” [Washington Post]
Even Trump ally and far-right ghoul Nigel Farage says Trump should release the Epstein Files. [Politico Europe]
Trump still talks to foreign leaders on his personal cell phone, a security no-no, and has fun getting schmoozed. One source used “bro-ing out” to describe conversations with French president Emmanuel Macron: “Trump would say ‘Emmanuellllll’ and really draw out the L, and then Macron would go, ‘Donaldddddd’ and draw out the D.” [Politico]
Non-Trump barf:
It’s always the ones you most expect: Oklahoma sheriffs are investigating reports that Christian nationalist schools superintendent Ryan Walters displayed images of naked women on a TV in his office during a state Board of Education meeting. [NBC News]
Former Vice President Kamala Harris is NOT running for California Governor, but she is releasing a book about her 2024 whirlwind campaign. I fear she’s testing the waters for a 2028 run… [Politico/CNN]
Sen. John Fetterman (“D”-Israel) is publishing a book out in November, and his ghostwriter, Buzz Bissinger, seems pissed at him. [Associated Press]
After lobbyists for Sen. Dave McCormick (R-Pa.) asked a Maryland bookstore to buy 500 copies of his book (presumably to juice sales numbers) the store, People’s Book, donated all proceeds to the immigration nonprofit CASA. [Washingtonian]
This has been your weekly Barf Bag, thanks for reading!
