When I was young, my mother told me it was more important to be smart than feminine.
Being feminine meant I was weak. If I were to take care of myself in a world I couldn’t trust with men I couldn’t depend on, I needed to be smart, strong and independent. I assumed this was the opposite of being feminine.
It took me many adult years to allow myself to appreciate clothes that flattered my body and wearing pretty pink nail polish while being smart, strong and independent in the business world. I still don’t know how to cook, I disturb my nest by moving about every three years, and my male partner does the grocery shopping. Am I still fighting off my femininity?
I don’t think so. I think we are in the process of redefining what it means to be a woman in today’s world. As women become more self-reliant and self-sufficient, they have more choices. They are free to discover their passion and contribute in ways that feel meaningful for them. I think this is what my mother really wanted for me because she never got to live out her dreams. She just didn’t know we could blend feeling beautiful with feeling accomplished.
So we don’t have to give Barbie some muscle to go along with her brains. I believe we are past the stage where a woman has to be a man to be successful. Unfortunately, it’s not clear yet who a woman should be at work, even when she is being “authentic.” Maybe we should encourage young women, and men, to be who they want to be without defining masculinity and femininity and judging people by their gender.
If acceptance and inclusion are feminine qualities, I guess I have strong feminine tendencies after all. And so does my strong, body-building male partner.
I just returned from teaching leadership and coaching skills classes for two weeks in China. I loved the beautiful, young women in my classes. Their clothes were exquisitely feminine as were their smiles, embraces and dancing eyes. To my surprise, when they handed me their business cards, they held titles of Director, Regional Vice President, and Managing Partner.
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