Women! Do You Prefer Money, Sex, Or Chocolate?

Yes, those are your only options.

A “new tracking survey” by Saatchi Wellness polled 1,000women on these criteria. Why? We don’t know. But here’s what they found!

Given a choice between great sex every week for five years and free chocolate every week for five years, U.S. women pick sex by a 73% to 27% margin. But by a considerably higher margin women choose a lump sum of $1,000 in cash over the weekly chocolate — 91% to 9% — according to a new tracking survey by Saatchi Wellness.

Oh, and also? We’re over the Recession. Says Ned Russell, manager of Saatchi Wellness, “It’s like woman are saying, ‘Damn it, I want to be happy again…Times may be uncertain, but I’m going to move on and enjoy myself. They’re saying ‘I’m over it.'” The brand calls this — wait for it, vomit bags at the ready — a “Me-Covery.”

All this is well and good, but we have one very serious bone to pick with the Saatchis’ otherwise impeccable research: WHERE ARE THE SHOES?