Recently, I complained of my monthly misery, seeking help — and thank you, seriously, for getting all up in my uterus. Thanks to all of your suggestions, we now present the ultimate guide to curing your cramps!
First, let it be known that some popular remedies — drinking plenty of water; not using a tampon; taking Advil, Midol, or Naproxen — are ones that I have tried. All are well and good — and to some extent work, depending. In addition, for every person who read about my cramps and said that the physical extremes were “not normal,” there were two or three people who said, “That happens to me.” Also: Everyone who recommended that I see a doctor was right to suggest it. I do see the gyno once a year, but I made an appointment for later in the month specifically to talk about my period. (In the past, everything has checked out fine, but I’ve changed doctors and we’ll see what happens.)
Still, if you suffer from cramps — mild or severe — we present:
A DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO CRAMP RELIEF
Suggestions, in no particular order:
HEATING PAD
“I know this is random and maybe everyone already does this, but if I have bad cramps I use a heating pad on my lower back. I put it right where my butt meets my back and lie down on it after taking four Advil (nothing else works for me) and laying off the caffeine. My doctor told me that when you’re lying like that, your uterus is actually closer to your back than to the front, so this works better to get the heat there. That has always worked for me, even before I was on BC and I had the dizzy, sweaty, tunnel vision, I’m-going-to-pass-out kind of cramps.” [Via]
IBUPROFEN. A TON OF IT.
“Advil comes in 800mg horsepill form. You can get them from your doctor. Or you can just buy the GIANT over the counter bottle and take four at a blow. Add to this no less than two midol, and then eat a piece of bread of cheese to help the fact that this cocktail of pills will eat your stomach lining if it isn’t given something to distract it. Added bonus—taking that much ibuprophen at once causes the blood to come out in extremely heavy clots and Very fast. Doesn’t sound like a benefit, until you’ve had 3/4 of your cycle come out in one 20 minute shower and your pad/tampon use becomes minimal.” {Via]
RASPBERRY LEAF TEA & EVENING PRIMROSE OIL
“Raspberry Leaf Tea starting a week before you expect it, continually brew pitchers and drink it throughout the day thru cramp days. I started taking a product called Chaste Tree in liquid form by Standard process vitamins a week before 1 capful in juice/day and it has been amazing. Also Evening Primrose Oil all month long-2 caps a day will help and your hair gets nice and shiny.” [Via]
POPPY TEA
“Okay, a male normally shouldn’t have a place in forums such as this. However, this info comes from an ex of mine and her friends also swear by this: Poppy Tea. You can buy dried opium poppies legally in the U.S. through a loophole in the law (they’re allowed for decorative use). I buy mine online from a wonderful lady called Sweet Paula. Crush 3-5 pods, brew them like you would coffee or loose leaf tea, and make around 5 cups of poppy tea (it’s kind of bitter, so I recommend adding hot chocolate mix for flavor). It’s like taking an all-natural Vicodin or Percocet that lasts all day. She introduced me to the tea after I sprained a muscle in my hand two years ago at work. The tea allowed me to keep working on bikes all day without any pain.” [Via]
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