Beyoncé Wants Everyone to 'Get Off My Ovaries!'

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Beyoncé Wants Everyone to 'Get Off My Ovaries!'
Photo:Melina Matsoukas (ELLE)

Did anyone see that briefest flash of light over the weekend, when the heavens parted and Beyoncé, her forty-seven publicists, husband, and kids all descended from their Bel-Air palace? At first I thought the rapture had finally come, like my gram always said it would. Then an ELLE magazine quite literally plummeted into my hands from the sky, with Beyoncé wearing some new IVY PARK x Adidas fits, and I realized she was just trying to sell me something!

Shot by Queen & Slim director Melina Matsoukas in Los Angeles’ Crenshaw neighborhood, Beyoncé poses inside the mag at grocery stores and laundromats. (Get it, these are clothes for everyone!) She also answers the obvious question: “When was the last time you were even in a grocery store like this?”

“The last time I went to a supermarket, it was more like a bodega before a Madonna concert. Jay and I snuck into one in Crenshaw and bought some Cuervo and Funyuns chips. And…y’all know you see me at Target and I see y’all trying to sneak pics.”

My research shows that both her and Jay-Z were photographed at Madonna’s Rebel Heart tour in 2015. Not too shabby!

Beyoncé also discusses finding balance between her kids, her husband, and her career: “I think that’s life for any working mom.” When asked about the internet’s constant insistence that she’s pregnant, she eloquently responds: “Get off my ovaries!” In the same vein, she reveals how the experience of having miscarriages shaped her outlook on her career and legacy:

“Success looks different to me now. Having miscarriages taught me that I had to mother myself before I could be a mother to someone else. Then I had Blue, and the quest for my purpose became so much deeper. I died and was reborn in my relationship, and the quest for self became even stronger. Being ‘number one’ was no longer my priority. My true win is creating art and a legacy that will live far beyond me. That’s fulfilling.”

I’d also like to imagine she said the next line while surrounded by approximately 300 wig busts at a hair supply store, if only for the aesthetic potential of the moment. Living through the changes wrought by motherhood and age, Beyoncé says, has taught her one simple proverb: “Giving zero fucks is the most liberating place to be.” [ELLE]

Photo:Melina Matsoukas (ELLE)

While I was in New York City last weekend, I encountered many things. Especially during my stay in Jezebel’s Times Square offices, where I was accosted by men in Transformers costumes, dozens of Iron-Mans, and Frozen’s Elsa doing death drops with what looked like the Incredible Hulk, and creatures strangely reminiscent of my sleep paralysis demons. Unfortunately, one such chaotic force I was unlucky to have missed in my final hours before my Sunday flight were the horde of Julianne Hough-types rushing to a 7a.m. dance party at Sony Hall, just blocks away from the office!

Page Six reports that Julianne Hough, along with 200 other people like Julianne Hough, attended an early morning, sober dance party led by Taryn Toomey, famous for “The Class.” Her website describes the experience as so:

Through simple, repetitive calisthenics and plyometrics, participants challenge the body to engage the mind. With guided instruction and powerful music, The Class invites students to witness their resistance to discomfort. The result is an expansive, heart-clearing and body-strengthening release. This Class will challenge and enlighten you all while building an incredibly strong, lean, resilient body. You will learn tools to empower your life.

Videos from similar events are easily found on Instagram, where I like to imagine Julianne Hough thrashing about, slowly crafting her response to Gabrielle Union’s firing from America’s Got Talent after enduring a “toxic climate” at the hands of Simon Cowell and producers.

Previously, Hough said in a statement that she had a “wonderful” time on the show and was looking forward to “[continuing] my working relationship with NBC.” Later, she told the Today show:

“I commend Gabrielle for speaking her truth and starting a conversation. I’m also really proud of NBC as well for showing up and starting a narrative, and that’s what’s going to change the workplace and the paradigm that we’ve been working in for many, many years, and it’s shifting, and I think that’s really, really exciting.”

Meanwhile, she has not spoken Union because “We both have been very busy.” Especially Hough, who has two upcoming Christmas specials with the network even after her exit from AGT. At least she has her 7 A.M. workouts to blow off steam! [Page Six]


Kanye West dipped himself in silver for his opera, “Mary,” at Miami’s Art Basel this weekend. [TMZ]

  • Ellen Pompeo and I are both wearing turtlenecks. [Just Jared]
  • Chrissy Teigen really hates THIS ONE THING about John Legend. [ET]
  • Madonna’s daughter “simulated an orgy” at Art Basel. [Hollywood Life]
  • Nothing good will come of Nene Leakes dishing on Dennis McKinley’s bestiality rumors. [The Blast]
  • How quaint—both Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are nominated for a Golden Globe. [Just Jared]
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